Weekend in KTT..

Time creeps within weeks and days here.
I can't really believe that i'm here for almost 1 month already..

Remembering the first day i come here,things were so new for me..
new friends,new so-called 'house',new program,new environment,new lecturers,new roommate and everything is new...

Day by day,I surprisingly adapted well here.
I started to get know more people,to learn more things and to know more about the environment here.

Unintentionally,I love this small yet lovely college...
KTT is not only a college for me,but another home for me..
Knowing those friendly seniors,my noisy classmates,my lame not-going-home gang and my kind-heart buddhist society volunteers is my pleasure.
I always appreciate and be thankful as I have u all even though I'm very far away from home.

Weekend,it's the time for those local or non-local students to go back to their sweet home.
Yet,for us who are from Sabah,Sarawak,Kedah,Kelantan,Johor,Terengganu and states that are quite far away,it's not that possible for us to go back during weekend.
Due to financial factor,we can't really go out to the city and enjoy our weekend every week although some of us did so.
I feel alone and desperate once I go to cafe for lunch or dinner as the college is so desolate.
The 2-block-campus suddenly becomes big when you can only see two or three people walking to the cafe or back to their apartment.
The longer I'm here,the more i miss home.
Yet,thanks NS that gave me a chance to learn how to adapt to a new environment so that i can live well here without tears.

Luckily,we got a not-going-back gang who always bring me happiness and remind me that I'm not alone.

Chin Ting,Lyvia,Shea Xian,Boon Hui,Jun Yang,Jonathan,Wei Siang...

These are the people who always have super long chit-chat sessions together without bothering any borders between us.

We come from different states yet a friendship bond has bonded us together.
We always have topics that break everyone into laughter,sharing about how much we miss home…
The most enjoyable time is every time we share nice food that cooked by ourselves..
The food is so delicious that it fills up our loneliness by satisfactory of mind and stomach.
Yummy Tom Yam,mouth-watering spaghetti and I believe there will be more and more…
This kind of sharing fulfill our loneliness indirectly and makes us happy...

Here,I learn to believe more in people and rely on them.We should help each other especially when u are away from home in a new environment.
Sharing reduces the burden of ur heart.

I used to be secretive and negative yet i change so much that I'm so socialize and positive once I started my life in KTT.
It's a good change.
I used to look for friends and having nice conversations with them once i feel lonely or down.
Their actions,words and laughter make me forget every problems and smile.

Things are not that bad here.I don't want my family to worry about me,I don't want to be so pessimist.
This kind of 'matured' thinking makes me always think on the bright side.
With the strength that Buddha gives me,love form my family members and support from my friends,I believe I can overcome those difficulties.

KTT is small yet people here are friendly and helpful.
Thanks Buddha for giving me such a chance to study in this lovely college although it is out of the jungle with poor facilities.

Hey,Guys,
We are not alone..
Be positive,we will also be at home SOON.No worries. =)

Thanks Jonathan for lending me ur broadband so that i can spill my feelings in words.

ps.Guys,I'm waiting for the hopefully-delicious-lunch with anticipation,haha... =p

A quick post about life in KTT..

Well,i think my physics lecturer canceled this class is to give me this golden opportunity to online and even blog in the library of KTT...
Sincerely,i dun like the computer here as i can't log in my fb account..lol..
Luckily i can log in my blogger account here to unless inform my friends and family that i'm still surviving in this jungle..(hahahaha)
Well,straight to the point,I'm super surprised that i adapt well in KTT.
I've to admit that i was shocked to know these 2 blocks of shop lots are the one we known as a college.It is really out of expectation.However,i try to accept it.
It's actually okay for me as i came from a small town.
After having almost 2 weeks here,i felt that it's actually an advantage for ktt to be so small that everyone knows each other easily.I can easily approach to my friendly seniors,friends and Uncle Beh (the one who sells us those reference books)..
I really thanks God that I can be here to learn new things about knowledge and about life.
Thanks to all seniors for not ragging us but love us and help us a lot.
The familial bond in ktt is so strong that I feel I'm home.
I miss home but i never cry because of that.
Thanks God that give me the extra strength to face all of the challenges with no tears.
I don't know since when I became so positive that I always tell myself it's all right.I really feel that I'm cheerful and energetic now.
Special thanks to those seniors-Amy,Ricky,Eric,Ru Ren,Lee Sean,Nader and Rina that make me realize we should not seal myself in ktt.
Thanks also to my roommate Lyvia who accompany me in silence for most of the time.
Thanks to my jogging gang Julia,Ash and Shamin that bring me loads of fun.
Thanks to my classmate ''Cacing'',''Jian'',''James Bond''.''Yu Wei'',''Dah'',''Prakash'' and ''Benjamin'' for making me feel superb whenever i'm in the class.
I think that's all for today.I'll post the details after this.
Stay tuned. =)

Leaving...

It was ages since my last blog.
Time flies.Those enjoying months were gone.
When i think about this,it just like WHOA!
After all,thanks Buddha,I managed to get JPA.
Medicine course in India.
I've to admit that India is not my dream country.However,basically,it's actually an advanced country that provides quality courses in medical field.
That's why I've to accept government's decision.
Yet,those worries and fear that almost defeated me these few days made me realise that I'm actually reluctant to force myself to accept it...
Well,stop it!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shangrou Tan,Don't think too much.Worries can change nothing,believe on the bright side. =)

Well,I will leave Tenom,this lovely-small-town.
I like here so much.Thanks the keningau boy that accompanied me to travel around this place before i leave here.
I like the people here that are always warm and kind.I like the trees and flowers here that actually enable me to step nearer to the nature and relax my mind.I like the environment here which is unique and unforgettable.The place where I grew up and learnt a lot in these 18 years.

Leaving seems hard,yet,it's compulsory.I would like to wish the best for ppl around me before leaving.
May laughter immerses u all in the stream of happiness.
May tears keep away from u all.
May sadness avoids are who always support me and help me in every stage of my life.Merci!

Thanks Dad for helping me in those documentary things.
Thanks Mum for loving me and keeps concern about me.
Thanks Sis for supporting and non-stop talking with me,haha =p.

Then,all teachers of SMCH.You all helped me a lot in both academics and life.

Special thanks to Pn.Eja who is not only assisting me in Chemistry and Physics but always ready to give advices and words of wisdom.

Thanks Pn.Helen Yong who initially kind-of-forcing me to stay in SMCH's chinese debate team.I learnt a lot from debate.Thanks for giving me such a good chance to 'utilise' or 'exploit' my debate skills.

Thanks Auntie Mary for the blessing and dhamma book.

Thanks Auntie Yu Cai for the joy and laughter throughout these fews year.

Thanks Pn.Lian for the motivation and strong believe towards me.

Thanks everyone for ur wishes and blessings.

With ur blessings and love,I believe that I can fear no more and undergo every challenge that is coming soon.
Jet'aime.


ps.special thanks to the keningau boy for everything.I think u know what are those things.haha =p.I believe the eiffel tower will give strength for me to overcome everything.Merci! =)

Waiting for the biggest change...

I am waiting for JPA's result.
I have been waiting from 5 of april(after the interview) until now.
It seems like I can't wait anymore,yet I'm nervous!!!
OMG!Buddha please bless me.I really hope i can get it!
It is the result that will lead to the next move and make the biggest change in my life!
Which road will be taken?It's all beyond the result.
Please.Praying comforts me yet I can't concentrate myself to pray.
Amitabha.I will pray for the best!

Jodelle -- A new start...

Well,stop blogging for months already.
Suddenly wanna spill something here.
Yeah.Here is a great place for me to spill my problems.No wonder why people always say that we will only know what is the best for us once we really need it.

Having some problems with a friend.
It's hurt yet it made me to think about my behavior and way of communication.He will never know how hurt am I when he said i am WEIRD.I thought thoroughly on my behavior to him once he said so.
He is probably right.
I made him felt weird.My behavior made him confused.My way of communication made him misunderstand.
I need to change.Change to a new leaf perhaps.
I should believe in my own ability and be independent.
I should always think on the bright side.
I should face every problem by myself.
I should handle everything that distracts me.No matter what.
I should think twice before doing anything(especially in words).
I should be CONFIDENT enough.
I should believe in hope and miracle.
I should be strong.

I should not rely too much on others once I come to problem.
I should not simply sharing my problems yet never find an appropriate solution for it.
I should not like to say something that will make u misunderstand.
I should not always think that I am a girl that need to assistance in everything.
I should not hesitate in making any decision for MY OWN LIFE.
I should not limit myself in such a small part of my life.
I should not let time creeps between meaningless events.
I should not continue those meaningless relationships and activities.
I should not run away from the reality.



I believe I can change myself from now on.
I wanna be strong,positive,confident and bright.
I can do it! =)
Jodelle--A new start of everything.

给珏对敏锐的话...

好久没有写部落格了。或许是过去几个月没有值得我倾诉的事。
如今，心里抱着很沉重，不舍，错综复杂的心情，决定写下我心中最真实的感受。

近几个星期都忙着帮忙珏对敏锐练习辩论。虽然有些辛苦、疲惫，但是，在议长宣布拒绝动议的那一刻，心里的满足感、喜悦和自豪是非笔墨能形容，也是非言语能表达的。

想起我刚刚完成3个月的国民服务，杨老师联络我叫我帮忙选人辩论的时候，那种茫然的心情，如今还记忆犹新。我永远都不会忘记我和杨老师站在校园中央望着校园思索的无奈。那一刻，我们都以为后继无人了。当时的我，真的担心丹中辩论队从此后继无人，没有人能继续为‘非你莫属’完成梦想、延续回忆。

逼于无奈，我们还是选了3个完全无上场经验的新手--诗珏，欣敏和嘉锐。我相信，在我们决定人选的那一刹那，杨老师和我的心情都是战战兢兢的。毕竟，你们接着要面对的将会是延续‘非你莫属’蝉联冠军的重担。

为了让你们了解辩论的运作和国会辩的形式、让你们掌握辩论的技巧和窍门，我们特别出了一题辩论题作为试题。

刚开始，你们的确是初生之犊，既不能反驳论点、也不能捍卫立场。渐渐地，不知不觉中，你们每个人的潜能开始浮现。你们蜕变的过程是奇妙的，更是叫人欣慰的。从哑口无言变得理直气壮，从呆头呆脑变得随机应变，从被动反攻变得主动进攻，从被我牵着绕圈子变得不再轻易跌入我设下的陷阱。这是一天天、一点一滴累积起来的。或许，你们不曾感觉自己在改变，也不了解自己的定位；然而，在你们的一言一语中，我看到了另一只有能力重振雄风的队伍。

期间，你们必须面对功课与辩论的双重压力，必须面对杨老师的责骂，必须在短时间内学会辩论技巧，必须牺牲休息时间。有时，你们的埋怨、疲惫及压力，我是看在眼里，痛在心里。或许是因为我是过来人，我了解你们所面对的压力、我知道你们的想法、我清楚你们的心情，往往令我非常心疼你们。或许是出于一份同情、一份怜悯、一份关怀，我尽力帮助你们，希望能用我渺小的能力分担你们肩上的重担。这样的想法，或许是愚蠢的，但，对我而言，这是我唯一能为你们这些小瓜做的。

期间，我试着让你们更了解题目、试着为你们建立信心、试着开解你们、试着帮你们在老师面前说好话、试着减轻你们的负担。我不否认，当我看到温什么都不贡献的时候，我的心里有不平衡的想法。我开始质疑自己消耗自己的私人时间帮助你们是否明智。我开始怀疑究竟你们值不值得我付出。我甚至怀疑你们究竟有没有用心、了不了解我的苦心。不过，那只是两天的事。如今忆起，我非常懊悔，觉得那是我最近做的最不对的事。我不应该轻易地质疑你们、更不应该有想要放弃你们的念头。毕竟，只要真心付出，一切都是值得的。

比赛的日子一天天的接近。看着你们紧张的心情，我也开始感到忐忑。原来，不知不觉中，我已融入了这只队伍，已增添了一份奇妙的归属感。我永远不会忘记出发前一天你们个个脸上沉重的表情，更不会忽略当时你们压抑的心情。那个傍晚，我试着跟杨老师妥协，让你们隔天不用到校上课，有足够的时间休息和准备。我不会忘记杨老师对我说的那一番话。那天晚上我的心情也是沉重的。我感觉到你们的压力，也听到杨老师的担忧。我唯一能做的就是增加双方的信心，答应即使是上台前的一分钟，我也会竭尽所能帮助你们。

终于，珏对敏锐没有令我失望，在比赛中脱颖而出，为‘非你莫属’重振雄风。一直以来，许多人都小看你们，其他辩手轻视你们，杨老师对你们缺乏信心，校方对你们没有抱着太大而期望；终于，你们成功证明了你们的实力！身为一份子，我实在为你们感到光荣！

感谢你们最终取得胜利。因为你们的成就让我相信真心的付出是不会白费的。你们让我饱受满足感。在练习的过程中更让我看见蜕变的奥妙。在你们身上，我看到了自己的过去。谢谢=）

珏对敏锐，你们做到了！！！
虽然过后你们更加烦恼，为后来的日子担忧，但是，我一定会在离开前尽力帮助你们的。
其实，在回程的旅途中，你们的抱怨、倾诉都令我心疼，看着你们的辛苦，我实在不忍心。
我能做的只是尽力开解你们，让你们建立信心，在这样的磨练中努力地走下去。
我答应你们，我不会对下你们不管。即使全国赛有多难熬，我都会尽力帮助你们渡过难关。

我要离开了，你们竟成了我不舍得的原因之一。
我才察觉，不知不觉中，‘珏对敏锐，以柔克刚’建立了一份如此深厚的感情。
我虽然即将离开，但是，我会在离开前尽量先帮助你们准备国赛的辩题，我不会放弃，我永远会默默的支持你们！

愿上天怜悯，保佑我得到JPA奖学金。这样一来,不但圆了我的梦想，也赐了我足够的时间陪你们共同进退。你们别忘了曾答应我为我祈祷的哦。愿上天成全。

无论如何，珏对敏锐一定要记得，我永远会在这里支持你们、帮助你们,默默为你们祈祷，献上我最真诚的祝福。

“古有非你莫属风靡一时，称霸辩坛；今有珏对敏锐重振雄风、再创高峰！”

珏对敏锐，以柔克刚万岁！！！

Be Rational.

Dunno why,i'm so so so emo today.
well,i guess i'm too busy before,i put my emotional problems aside,now,it's time to face it.

I need changes.Ya,this is what i think and this is what i want.
I have to admit,i'm a coward.
I can't really face problem(even though i seem rational enough to solve problem).
I cannot really accept the reality,
I'm a big liar that always lie to my heart and my brain.
Don't I?Am i really turn optimise?
Am i really happy and relax now?
Am i able to ignore all comments that hurt me?
I wonder.

Tan Shang Rou,please be real when u're reflecting ur life.
Please let ur brain have a face-to-face talk with ur heart.


I know,if i wanna achieve my dream,i have to be rational.
I can't play others life.
I have to change. Be rational.

U can!I know u can.
As u really wanna achieve ur dream :)
Gambateh!