平凡如逐漸消失 兩點
平衡像沒交叉點 的線
巡遊在夜深街中 擦肩
你我也只差一分 吻在臉
誰人談「再見」再可見面
誰祈求拍照記低笑面
難重逢我至覺得 期待你會出現
人總於今天 想昨天
我眼睛望穿秋水 眼淺
我氣息像煙呼出 呵欠
明明是幸福早於 腳邊
你我卻翻天覆海 去歷遍
誰人談「再見」再可見面
誰祈求拍照記低笑面
難重逢我至覺得 期待你會出現
人總於今天 想昨天
誰人談「再見」再可不面
誰人談「永遠」永不兌現
情長而季節太短 離別直到思念
曾輾轉反側 三百天
從前如盪失終點 兩邊
從頭來用一分鐘 初見
情人在望天 兜轉 擦肩
我轉身應該找到 你視線
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Quick recent post
Just found out that i din blog for a long time already.
Well,why?
maybe it haven't turn to my habit yet.
Basically,many things happened recently.
I feel like wanna run from it.
My emotion immune system asked me to run away and stop it.
This silly immune system may be useful yet let's the fate to decide it.
I'm kinda lost,aimless and sick with it.
well,concentrate on study as ur result is sucks.
Gambateh!
Go Go Go!!!
Well,why?
maybe it haven't turn to my habit yet.
Basically,many things happened recently.
I feel like wanna run from it.
My emotion immune system asked me to run away and stop it.
This silly immune system may be useful yet let's the fate to decide it.
I'm kinda lost,aimless and sick with it.
well,concentrate on study as ur result is sucks.
Gambateh!
Go Go Go!!!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
寂寞寂寞就好
還是原來那個我 不過撂掉幾公升淚所以變瘦
對著鏡子我承諾 遲早我會換這張臉應對笑容
不算什麼 愛錯就愛錯
早點認錯 早一點解脫
我寂寞寂寞就好
這時候誰都別來安慰 擁抱
就讓我一個人去痛到受不了
傷到 快瘋掉 死不了就還好
我寂寞寂寞就好
你真的不用來我回憶裡 微笑
我就不相信我會笨到 忘不了
賴著 不放掉 人本來就寂寞的
借來的都該還掉
我總會把你戒掉
還是原來那個你 是我自己做夢你又改變什麼
再多的愛也沒用 每個人有每個人的業障因果
會有什麼 什麼都沒有 早點看破 才看的見以後
我寂寞寂寞就好
這時候誰都別來安慰 擁抱
就讓我一個人去痛到受不了
傷到 快瘋掉 死不了就還好
我寂寞寂寞就好
你真的不用來我回憶裡 微笑
我就不相信我會笨到 忘不了
賴著 不放掉 人本來就寂寞的
我總會把你戒掉
song:寂寞寂寞就好-Hebe
Lonely is not that pityful.
People come and go,at the end,we are still all alone.
Accepting this fact.
Jodelle,
there is nothing to scare of.
you lost ur reliance,
you seems to lost everything.
Life is hard.
Life is lonely.
That's why you must stay strong and tough.
You lost everything yet you still got urself.
Believe in urself.
Ekam Eveileb! =)
對著鏡子我承諾 遲早我會換這張臉應對笑容
不算什麼 愛錯就愛錯
早點認錯 早一點解脫
我寂寞寂寞就好
這時候誰都別來安慰 擁抱
就讓我一個人去痛到受不了
傷到 快瘋掉 死不了就還好
我寂寞寂寞就好
你真的不用來我回憶裡 微笑
我就不相信我會笨到 忘不了
賴著 不放掉 人本來就寂寞的
借來的都該還掉
我總會把你戒掉
還是原來那個你 是我自己做夢你又改變什麼
再多的愛也沒用 每個人有每個人的業障因果
會有什麼 什麼都沒有 早點看破 才看的見以後
我寂寞寂寞就好
這時候誰都別來安慰 擁抱
就讓我一個人去痛到受不了
傷到 快瘋掉 死不了就還好
我寂寞寂寞就好
你真的不用來我回憶裡 微笑
我就不相信我會笨到 忘不了
賴著 不放掉 人本來就寂寞的
我總會把你戒掉
song:寂寞寂寞就好-Hebe
Lonely is not that pityful.
People come and go,at the end,we are still all alone.
Accepting this fact.
Jodelle,
there is nothing to scare of.
you lost ur reliance,
you seems to lost everything.
Life is hard.
Life is lonely.
That's why you must stay strong and tough.
You lost everything yet you still got urself.
Believe in urself.
Ekam Eveileb! =)
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Fear.
I know it may be the negative elements that turn to obstacle for me to walk further.
I know i am running out of time.
I tried to stop for a while and see what really happening.
I tried to look for the main reason.
I tried many ways to get rid of it.
I tried to cheat to myself that I'm alright.
I tried to convince myself that things gonna be alright.
I tried to enjoy myself during every moment.
I tried to smile.
I tried to put it down.
I tried to counsel myself.
I tried to tell everyone that I'm okay.
I tried to ignore it.
I tried to make things right.
I tried to face the music.
I tried every path that might help a lot.
However,from the bottom of my heart,
I know clearly--
I am in FEAR.
It's almost unbearable.
I tried to look for source of reliance and courage.
I know it's hard,
I dun wanna become an attachment for anyone,
I dun wanna make anyone worry about me.
Seeing people around me that are currently 'bond-pairing' with their loved one.
Looking at personalities around me that are straight forward and easily share their problems.
I'm admire.(or maybe envy)
Actually I know that my family is always there for me,
I know that actually i can spill it out instead of storing in deep in my heart.
I know that there should be somewhere/someone for me to rely on.
I know it.
Yet,i really dun want my family to worry about me,
I don't wanna make people worry,
I rather smile reluctantly than showing the sadness in me,
I have to accept that so far there is no place/no one that really let me to rely on.
I tried my best to convince myself that it's alright.
I tried my best to tell myself that believe in yourself.
I tried my best to be confident.
I tried my best to be BRAVE.
I tried my best to find the COURAGE.
I tried my best to tell myself,with the blessing and strength that Buddha gives me,I can cope with everything.
I tried my best to say--GAMBATEH to myself.
It doesn't help so far.
I am still in FEAR.
Argh!Buddha,please shows me the way again.
Bless me to walk on the right path FEARLESSLY.
Amitabha.
I know i am running out of time.
I tried to stop for a while and see what really happening.
I tried to look for the main reason.
I tried many ways to get rid of it.
I tried to cheat to myself that I'm alright.
I tried to convince myself that things gonna be alright.
I tried to enjoy myself during every moment.
I tried to smile.
I tried to put it down.
I tried to counsel myself.
I tried to tell everyone that I'm okay.
I tried to ignore it.
I tried to make things right.
I tried to face the music.
I tried every path that might help a lot.
However,from the bottom of my heart,
I know clearly--
I am in FEAR.
It's almost unbearable.
I tried to look for source of reliance and courage.
I know it's hard,
I dun wanna become an attachment for anyone,
I dun wanna make anyone worry about me.
Seeing people around me that are currently 'bond-pairing' with their loved one.
Looking at personalities around me that are straight forward and easily share their problems.
I'm admire.(or maybe envy)
Actually I know that my family is always there for me,
I know that actually i can spill it out instead of storing in deep in my heart.
I know that there should be somewhere/someone for me to rely on.
I know it.
Yet,i really dun want my family to worry about me,
I don't wanna make people worry,
I rather smile reluctantly than showing the sadness in me,
I have to accept that so far there is no place/no one that really let me to rely on.
I tried my best to convince myself that it's alright.
I tried my best to tell myself that believe in yourself.
I tried my best to be confident.
I tried my best to be BRAVE.
I tried my best to find the COURAGE.
I tried my best to tell myself,with the blessing and strength that Buddha gives me,I can cope with everything.
I tried my best to say--GAMBATEH to myself.
It doesn't help so far.
I am still in FEAR.
Argh!Buddha,please shows me the way again.
Bless me to walk on the right path FEARLESSLY.
Amitabha.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Invocation to Triple Gems.
O Buddha,
My spiritual master and Refuge,
I seek Your blessings,
Guidance and protection.
The Dhamma,
Holy saints and spiritual teachers,
Bodhisattas,
Dhamma protectors and devas,
I seek Your blessings,
Guidance and protection.
O Blessed one,
Help me to set my heart right,
May my actions and thoughts
reflect your love and wisdom.
Help me overcome my obstacles,
Give me strength to protect the weak.
Let me act with wisdom,love and forgiveness.
May my actions bring hope and comfort,
my speech,harmony and truth,
and my thought,kindness and understanding.
Let me not slacken in my efforts to strive for liberation,
and contribute to the happiness of all beings.
O Buddha,
My spiritual master and refuge,
I thank you for your blessings,
guidance and protection.
The Dhamma,
Holy saints and spiritual teachers,
Bodhisattas,
Dhamma protectors and devas,
I thank you for your blessings,,
guidance and protection.
May the Buddha be at my head,
The Dhamma in my heart,
and the Sangha by my side,
to protect me and guide me always.
Amitabha.
--Quote from 'Buddha Puja' by Datuk Dr.Victor Wee.
It gives me aspiration and makes me feel like i am linked with the triple gems.
My spiritual master and Refuge,
I seek Your blessings,
Guidance and protection.
The Dhamma,
Holy saints and spiritual teachers,
Bodhisattas,
Dhamma protectors and devas,
I seek Your blessings,
Guidance and protection.
O Blessed one,
Help me to set my heart right,
May my actions and thoughts
reflect your love and wisdom.
Help me overcome my obstacles,
Give me strength to protect the weak.
Let me act with wisdom,love and forgiveness.
May my actions bring hope and comfort,
my speech,harmony and truth,
and my thought,kindness and understanding.
Let me not slacken in my efforts to strive for liberation,
and contribute to the happiness of all beings.
O Buddha,
My spiritual master and refuge,
I thank you for your blessings,
guidance and protection.
The Dhamma,
Holy saints and spiritual teachers,
Bodhisattas,
Dhamma protectors and devas,
I thank you for your blessings,,
guidance and protection.
May the Buddha be at my head,
The Dhamma in my heart,
and the Sangha by my side,
to protect me and guide me always.
Amitabha.
--Quote from 'Buddha Puja' by Datuk Dr.Victor Wee.
It gives me aspiration and makes me feel like i am linked with the triple gems.
Friday, August 6, 2010
我终于觉得又活过来了
在这里的日子久了，觉得应该习惯了，问题却也越来越多了。
努力地背后，有愧疚，有不满，更有脆弱。
之前，一直想尽办法让自己更努力，想尽办法，让自己更有效率，效果没有达到预期的梦想，反而感到无比空虚。
忘了上一次失眠是几时，只知道昨晚彻夜未眠，不是因为我不累，不是因为我不想睡，而是因为悬着的心找不了停泊的岸边，无法安定下来。整夜，想了很多，真的很多-过去、现在、未来。这一夜是怎么开始的？回想起来，这一夜没有开始、也没有结束。这一夜，我的双眼无神，望着衣橱，放空了。眼泪也不知不觉的、不听使唤的在杂想之中流了下来。这样的情绪波动，感觉上，已经很陌生了，感觉上，应该离我很远了。突如其来的出现，真的让我觉得，这一切，或许是因为我逃了太久了。
之前，我总天真的认为，国民服务让我学了很多，我总是高估了自己的情商，以自己的乐观思维为荣，认为什么都不介意了。这几天才发觉，这种错误的想法根本就是在自欺欺人，每天都跟朋友们开心的哈拉、说说笑笑，认为这就是自己，全新的自己。
这几天，才发觉，不知道从几何时，我又在选择逃避、选择遗忘、选择假装放下，不知从几何时，把自己掩饰成乐观的女孩，掩饰地连自己都蒙在鼓里了。
身心越来越疲倦，生活越来越没有动力，越来越不敢去相信自己骗了自己，越来越不敢去面对堆积如山的问题。这种感觉，因为时间、因为空间，变得越来越难以承受、变得越来越沉重。越不想面对，却也越来越逼人、逼得我喘不过气。
整个晚上，关在房间里，对着天花板，突然觉得很窒息，让人不能呼吸，尝试走出房间，躲在厕所哭泣，以为哭过了就痊愈了。回到房里，再次躺在床上，眼泪又不知不觉的流了下来。这个夜晚，真的很难熬，好想比自己尽快入眠、不再胡思乱想，好想快点天亮，一觉醒来后，什么事都忘了。
这一夜，我试着将自己的专注了专心于想佛菩萨祈求，希望佛菩萨可以指引、可以给我坚持下去的力量。
今天早上起来，庆幸彻夜未眠的夜晚终于过去了。令人恐惧的黑暗终于终结了。
然而，我并没有感觉轻松，反而，感觉更加疲倦。
人前尽量强颜欢笑，尽量用自己最亲切及活跃的声音称呼身边的人，向大家问安。以为只要到了人多的地方，问题就会一如往常、乖乖的躲回心里我遗忘的、封锁的角落。
以往，看到班上的死党，总会情不自禁的讲了又讲，发挥辩论员的特质，善用说话辩驳的技巧；今天，看着死党，只有无奈的感觉，不想说话，就连是对着谈心事的好朋友，也只有无奈的沉默。
我不是不要把问题说出来，更不是想着一个人能解决这一切，只是我不知从何说起，怎么让别人相信，更不知要如何向别人解释。
幸好今天的课不多，浑浑噩噩中，总算过了3个小时的课。空节的时候，为了不要让自己再次沉浸在思绪的漩涡中，还刻意跟同学一起吃早餐。然而，却无济于事。对着那一班那么可爱、爱讲话的同学，我竟然不懂要说些什么。当别人兴高采烈的在谈论话题时，我竟然不懂要给什么反应。
意外的觉得自己已经不再属于自己，意外的发觉自己已不再懂得怎么去控制自己，行尸走肉般的，除了毫不间断的呼吸，我实在想不到我身上到底还有什么活着的迹象。
下课回家，真的毫无方向的不懂要做什么，对着桌子上越堆越高的书本，却不知道要怎么让自己有系统的完成这一切。走到阳台，看着对面空荡荡的店屋，看着别人准备回家，眼泪又不知不觉的流了下来。情绪的波动连我自己都控制不了。
我不敢回头，不想让我的同房朋友担心.
因为我真的不知道应该怎么向他们解释，真的不知道要怎么让他们相信我的泪是真心的，不懂如何描述心伤的怎么样了，更不想让他们认为我是在装脆弱、博取同情。
感谢佛菩萨，感谢因缘和合，让我因为几封信息里不同的观点点醒、让我再次调整自己，学着去面对，放过自己，放手让自己成长。
真的很感激佛菩萨，也感谢开导我的那个人，让我有了方向，退一步思考。感谢佛菩萨，我终于觉得我又活过来了。
刚刚跟7个朋友出外走走，一路上虽然心里还是悬着的，但是，在谈笑风生中，我渐渐感觉，我的神魄回来了，我终于活过来了。回家后收拾东西，做做家务，希望自己不再‘死亡’，努力地‘活’下去。
感谢佛菩萨让我找到了心里应该摆放的位置，让我意识到心里连自己都遗忘的角落。我找到了放松的方法-相信佛教、虔诚祈求。
今晚还会失眠吗？
希望这次不再是自欺欺人，而是真的‘活’过来了。
阿弥陀佛。
努力地背后，有愧疚，有不满，更有脆弱。
之前，一直想尽办法让自己更努力，想尽办法，让自己更有效率，效果没有达到预期的梦想，反而感到无比空虚。
忘了上一次失眠是几时，只知道昨晚彻夜未眠，不是因为我不累，不是因为我不想睡，而是因为悬着的心找不了停泊的岸边，无法安定下来。整夜，想了很多，真的很多-过去、现在、未来。这一夜是怎么开始的？回想起来，这一夜没有开始、也没有结束。这一夜，我的双眼无神，望着衣橱，放空了。眼泪也不知不觉的、不听使唤的在杂想之中流了下来。这样的情绪波动，感觉上，已经很陌生了，感觉上，应该离我很远了。突如其来的出现，真的让我觉得，这一切，或许是因为我逃了太久了。
之前，我总天真的认为，国民服务让我学了很多，我总是高估了自己的情商，以自己的乐观思维为荣，认为什么都不介意了。这几天才发觉，这种错误的想法根本就是在自欺欺人，每天都跟朋友们开心的哈拉、说说笑笑，认为这就是自己，全新的自己。
这几天，才发觉，不知道从几何时，我又在选择逃避、选择遗忘、选择假装放下，不知从几何时，把自己掩饰成乐观的女孩，掩饰地连自己都蒙在鼓里了。
身心越来越疲倦，生活越来越没有动力，越来越不敢去相信自己骗了自己，越来越不敢去面对堆积如山的问题。这种感觉，因为时间、因为空间，变得越来越难以承受、变得越来越沉重。越不想面对，却也越来越逼人、逼得我喘不过气。
整个晚上，关在房间里，对着天花板，突然觉得很窒息，让人不能呼吸，尝试走出房间，躲在厕所哭泣，以为哭过了就痊愈了。回到房里，再次躺在床上，眼泪又不知不觉的流了下来。这个夜晚，真的很难熬，好想比自己尽快入眠、不再胡思乱想，好想快点天亮，一觉醒来后，什么事都忘了。
这一夜，我试着将自己的专注了专心于想佛菩萨祈求，希望佛菩萨可以指引、可以给我坚持下去的力量。
今天早上起来，庆幸彻夜未眠的夜晚终于过去了。令人恐惧的黑暗终于终结了。
然而，我并没有感觉轻松，反而，感觉更加疲倦。
人前尽量强颜欢笑，尽量用自己最亲切及活跃的声音称呼身边的人，向大家问安。以为只要到了人多的地方，问题就会一如往常、乖乖的躲回心里我遗忘的、封锁的角落。
以往，看到班上的死党，总会情不自禁的讲了又讲，发挥辩论员的特质，善用说话辩驳的技巧；今天，看着死党，只有无奈的感觉，不想说话，就连是对着谈心事的好朋友，也只有无奈的沉默。
我不是不要把问题说出来，更不是想着一个人能解决这一切，只是我不知从何说起，怎么让别人相信，更不知要如何向别人解释。
幸好今天的课不多，浑浑噩噩中，总算过了3个小时的课。空节的时候，为了不要让自己再次沉浸在思绪的漩涡中，还刻意跟同学一起吃早餐。然而，却无济于事。对着那一班那么可爱、爱讲话的同学，我竟然不懂要说些什么。当别人兴高采烈的在谈论话题时，我竟然不懂要给什么反应。
意外的觉得自己已经不再属于自己，意外的发觉自己已不再懂得怎么去控制自己，行尸走肉般的，除了毫不间断的呼吸，我实在想不到我身上到底还有什么活着的迹象。
下课回家，真的毫无方向的不懂要做什么，对着桌子上越堆越高的书本，却不知道要怎么让自己有系统的完成这一切。走到阳台，看着对面空荡荡的店屋，看着别人准备回家，眼泪又不知不觉的流了下来。情绪的波动连我自己都控制不了。
我不敢回头，不想让我的同房朋友担心.
因为我真的不知道应该怎么向他们解释，真的不知道要怎么让他们相信我的泪是真心的，不懂如何描述心伤的怎么样了，更不想让他们认为我是在装脆弱、博取同情。
感谢佛菩萨，感谢因缘和合，让我因为几封信息里不同的观点点醒、让我再次调整自己，学着去面对，放过自己，放手让自己成长。
真的很感激佛菩萨，也感谢开导我的那个人，让我有了方向，退一步思考。感谢佛菩萨，我终于觉得我又活过来了。
刚刚跟7个朋友出外走走，一路上虽然心里还是悬着的，但是，在谈笑风生中，我渐渐感觉，我的神魄回来了，我终于活过来了。回家后收拾东西，做做家务，希望自己不再‘死亡’，努力地‘活’下去。
感谢佛菩萨让我找到了心里应该摆放的位置，让我意识到心里连自己都遗忘的角落。我找到了放松的方法-相信佛教、虔诚祈求。
今晚还会失眠吗？
希望这次不再是自欺欺人，而是真的‘活’过来了。
阿弥陀佛。
Monday, July 26, 2010
Remorse.
It’s a long time that I did not feel such a remorse.
I’m remorse on almost everything that I am doing.
I aware about the consequences.
Maybe I’m facing the music now,however,the feeling keeps on catching me and made me feeling scared to it.
Lord Buddha,here I face the problem after so many months of being so positive.
I felt like I'm involving in such a crime.Oh Buddha!
I can't bare the regret,it's almost like i'm trying to kill myself to stay calm.
It seems like i dunno how to apologise to myself.
I do not even know how to forgive myself.
I am really grateful to Buddha that His teaching and words of wisdom shows me the way,it made me aware.
However,I'm just can't accept how bad am I in this case.
I'm really sorry,
sorry to myself,to my parents,to my family members,to people that always support me and give me the strength to be here.
I feel like I'm betraying them.There is a non-stop feeling that made me can't really
face myself.
Buddha,I know that I'm now moving towards another way,the way to lock myself rather than gaining happiness.
I know that it is not the way u show it to me.
Yet,i can't even face either the problem or me myself.
I treat it so big that I can't really accept I did it.
It does not obey my self-principle.This is not the life that i dream to be or i want to be.
I know the cause of suffering but frankly i have no guts to face it,not even finding the way to end it.
I really pray that it will come to an end.It really spoil my mood and slow down my progress.
Thinking about the life that i planned before I'm here,
Thinking about my parents that always support me in anyway that i wanna be,
Thinking about the words of wisdom and advice that given by my dear relatives,teachers and friends,
Thinking about what i promised to everyone,
Thinking about my prayers and promises to Buddha,
I'm regret.
I know I'm not following exactly the path that i planned and i should go.
I AM FED UP.
Buddha,please,give me the strength to accept all this.
Guide me to be brave to face the music.
Guide me to be brave to accept and change myself.
I know what I want.
I know what I did.
Although i'm nt sure how should i make things correct,yet,I know i MUST do so.
Buddha,Please forgive me of being that bad.
Dad and mum,please understand how remorse am i and forgive me.
Jodelle,please be brave to accept everything.
Please follow the guidance of buddha.
Please be brave to admit ur fault.
PLEASE.
Now i know,
FORGIVE YOURSELF IS ALWAYS HARDER THAN FORGIVING OTHER.
Buddha,I believe U are the spirit for me.
I believe Buddhism is what I can rely on.
Please give me the strength and forgive me.
AMITABHA.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Weekend in KTT..
Time creeps within weeks and days here.
I can't really believe that i'm here for almost 1 month already..
Remembering the first day i come here,things were so new for me..
new friends,new so-called 'house',new program,new environment,new lecturers,new roommate and everything is new...
Day by day,I surprisingly adapted well here.
I started to get know more people,to learn more things and to know more about the environment here.
Unintentionally,I love this small yet lovely college...
KTT is not only a college for me,but another home for me..
Knowing those friendly seniors,my noisy classmates,my lame not-going-home gang and my kind-heart buddhist society volunteers is my pleasure.
I always appreciate and be thankful as I have u all even though I'm very far away from home.
Weekend,it's the time for those local or non-local students to go back to their sweet home.
Yet,for us who are from Sabah,Sarawak,Kedah,Kelantan,Johor,Terengganu and states that are quite far away,it's not that possible for us to go back during weekend.
Due to financial factor,we can't really go out to the city and enjoy our weekend every week although some of us did so.
I feel alone and desperate once I go to cafe for lunch or dinner as the college is so desolate.
The 2-block-campus suddenly becomes big when you can only see two or three people walking to the cafe or back to their apartment.
The longer I'm here,the more i miss home.
Yet,thanks NS that gave me a chance to learn how to adapt to a new environment so that i can live well here without tears.
Luckily,we got a not-going-back gang who always bring me happiness and remind me that I'm not alone.
Chin Ting,Lyvia,Shea Xian,Boon Hui,Jun Yang,Jonathan,Wei Siang...
These are the people who always have super long chit-chat sessions together without bothering any borders between us.
We come from different states yet a friendship bond has bonded us together.
We always have topics that break everyone into laughter,sharing about how much we miss home…
The most enjoyable time is every time we share nice food that cooked by ourselves..
The food is so delicious that it fills up our loneliness by satisfactory of mind and stomach.
Yummy Tom Yam,mouth-watering spaghetti and I believe there will be more and more…
This kind of sharing fulfill our loneliness indirectly and makes us happy...
Here,I learn to believe more in people and rely on them.We should help each other especially when u are away from home in a new environment.
Sharing reduces the burden of ur heart.
I used to be secretive and negative yet i change so much that I'm so socialize and positive once I started my life in KTT.
It's a good change.
I used to look for friends and having nice conversations with them once i feel lonely or down.
Their actions,words and laughter make me forget every problems and smile.
Things are not that bad here.I don't want my family to worry about me,I don't want to be so pessimist.
This kind of 'matured' thinking makes me always think on the bright side.
With the strength that Buddha gives me,love form my family members and support from my friends,I believe I can overcome those difficulties.
KTT is small yet people here are friendly and helpful.
Thanks Buddha for giving me such a chance to study in this lovely college although it is out of the jungle with poor facilities.
Hey,Guys,
We are not alone..
Be positive,we will also be at home SOON.No worries. =)
Thanks Jonathan for lending me ur broadband so that i can spill my feelings in words.
ps.Guys,I'm waiting for the hopefully-delicious-lunch with anticipation,haha... =p
I can't really believe that i'm here for almost 1 month already..
Remembering the first day i come here,things were so new for me..
new friends,new so-called 'house',new program,new environment,new lecturers,new roommate and everything is new...
Day by day,I surprisingly adapted well here.
I started to get know more people,to learn more things and to know more about the environment here.
Unintentionally,I love this small yet lovely college...
KTT is not only a college for me,but another home for me..
Knowing those friendly seniors,my noisy classmates,my lame not-going-home gang and my kind-heart buddhist society volunteers is my pleasure.
I always appreciate and be thankful as I have u all even though I'm very far away from home.
Weekend,it's the time for those local or non-local students to go back to their sweet home.
Yet,for us who are from Sabah,Sarawak,Kedah,Kelantan,Johor,Terengganu and states that are quite far away,it's not that possible for us to go back during weekend.
Due to financial factor,we can't really go out to the city and enjoy our weekend every week although some of us did so.
I feel alone and desperate once I go to cafe for lunch or dinner as the college is so desolate.
The 2-block-campus suddenly becomes big when you can only see two or three people walking to the cafe or back to their apartment.
The longer I'm here,the more i miss home.
Yet,thanks NS that gave me a chance to learn how to adapt to a new environment so that i can live well here without tears.
Luckily,we got a not-going-back gang who always bring me happiness and remind me that I'm not alone.
Chin Ting,Lyvia,Shea Xian,Boon Hui,Jun Yang,Jonathan,Wei Siang...
These are the people who always have super long chit-chat sessions together without bothering any borders between us.
We come from different states yet a friendship bond has bonded us together.
We always have topics that break everyone into laughter,sharing about how much we miss home…
The most enjoyable time is every time we share nice food that cooked by ourselves..
The food is so delicious that it fills up our loneliness by satisfactory of mind and stomach.
Yummy Tom Yam,mouth-watering spaghetti and I believe there will be more and more…
This kind of sharing fulfill our loneliness indirectly and makes us happy...
Here,I learn to believe more in people and rely on them.We should help each other especially when u are away from home in a new environment.
Sharing reduces the burden of ur heart.
I used to be secretive and negative yet i change so much that I'm so socialize and positive once I started my life in KTT.
It's a good change.
I used to look for friends and having nice conversations with them once i feel lonely or down.
Their actions,words and laughter make me forget every problems and smile.
Things are not that bad here.I don't want my family to worry about me,I don't want to be so pessimist.
This kind of 'matured' thinking makes me always think on the bright side.
With the strength that Buddha gives me,love form my family members and support from my friends,I believe I can overcome those difficulties.
KTT is small yet people here are friendly and helpful.
Thanks Buddha for giving me such a chance to study in this lovely college although it is out of the jungle with poor facilities.
Hey,Guys,
We are not alone..
Be positive,we will also be at home SOON.No worries. =)
Thanks Jonathan for lending me ur broadband so that i can spill my feelings in words.
ps.Guys,I'm waiting for the hopefully-delicious-lunch with anticipation,haha... =p
Thursday, July 8, 2010
A quick post about life in KTT..
Well,i think my physics lecturer canceled this class is to give me this golden opportunity to online and even blog in the library of KTT...
Sincerely,i dun like the computer here as i can't log in my fb account..lol..
Luckily i can log in my blogger account here to unless inform my friends and family that i'm still surviving in this jungle..(hahahaha)
Well,straight to the point,I'm super surprised that i adapt well in KTT.
I've to admit that i was shocked to know these 2 blocks of shop lots are the one we known as a college.It is really out of expectation.However,i try to accept it.
It's actually okay for me as i came from a small town.
After having almost 2 weeks here,i felt that it's actually an advantage for ktt to be so small that everyone knows each other easily.I can easily approach to my friendly seniors,friends and Uncle Beh (the one who sells us those reference books)..
I really thanks God that I can be here to learn new things about knowledge and about life.
Thanks to all seniors for not ragging us but love us and help us a lot.
The familial bond in ktt is so strong that I feel I'm home.
I miss home but i never cry because of that.
Thanks God that give me the extra strength to face all of the challenges with no tears.
I don't know since when I became so positive that I always tell myself it's all right.I really feel that I'm cheerful and energetic now.
Special thanks to those seniors-Amy,Ricky,Eric,Ru Ren,Lee Sean,Nader and Rina that make me realize we should not seal myself in ktt.
Thanks also to my roommate Lyvia who accompany me in silence for most of the time.
Thanks to my jogging gang Julia,Ash and Shamin that bring me loads of fun.
Thanks to my classmate ''Cacing'',''Jian'',''James Bond''.''Yu Wei'',''Dah'',''Prakash'' and ''Benjamin'' for making me feel superb whenever i'm in the class.
I think that's all for today.I'll post the details after this.
Stay tuned. =)
Sincerely,i dun like the computer here as i can't log in my fb account..lol..
Luckily i can log in my blogger account here to unless inform my friends and family that i'm still surviving in this jungle..(hahahaha)
Well,straight to the point,I'm super surprised that i adapt well in KTT.
I've to admit that i was shocked to know these 2 blocks of shop lots are the one we known as a college.It is really out of expectation.However,i try to accept it.
It's actually okay for me as i came from a small town.
After having almost 2 weeks here,i felt that it's actually an advantage for ktt to be so small that everyone knows each other easily.I can easily approach to my friendly seniors,friends and Uncle Beh (the one who sells us those reference books)..
I really thanks God that I can be here to learn new things about knowledge and about life.
Thanks to all seniors for not ragging us but love us and help us a lot.
The familial bond in ktt is so strong that I feel I'm home.
I miss home but i never cry because of that.
Thanks God that give me the extra strength to face all of the challenges with no tears.
I don't know since when I became so positive that I always tell myself it's all right.I really feel that I'm cheerful and energetic now.
Special thanks to those seniors-Amy,Ricky,Eric,Ru Ren,Lee Sean,Nader and Rina that make me realize we should not seal myself in ktt.
Thanks also to my roommate Lyvia who accompany me in silence for most of the time.
Thanks to my jogging gang Julia,Ash and Shamin that bring me loads of fun.
Thanks to my classmate ''Cacing'',''Jian'',''James Bond''.''Yu Wei'',''Dah'',''Prakash'' and ''Benjamin'' for making me feel superb whenever i'm in the class.
I think that's all for today.I'll post the details after this.
Stay tuned. =)
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Leaving...
It was ages since my last blog.
Time flies.Those enjoying months were gone.
When i think about this,it just like WHOA!
After all,thanks Buddha,I managed to get JPA.
Medicine course in India.
I've to admit that India is not my dream country.However,basically,it's actually an advanced country that provides quality courses in medical field.
That's why I've to accept government's decision.
Yet,those worries and fear that almost defeated me these few days made me realise that I'm actually reluctant to force myself to accept it...
Well,stop it!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shangrou Tan,Don't think too much.Worries can change nothing,believe on the bright side. =)
Well,I will leave Tenom,this lovely-small-town.
I like here so much.Thanks the keningau boy that accompanied me to travel around this place before i leave here.
I like the people here that are always warm and kind.I like the trees and flowers here that actually enable me to step nearer to the nature and relax my mind.I like the environment here which is unique and unforgettable.The place where I grew up and learnt a lot in these 18 years.
Leaving seems hard,yet,it's compulsory.I would like to wish the best for ppl around me before leaving.
May laughter immerses u all in the stream of happiness.
May tears keep away from u all.
May sadness avoids are who always support me and help me in every stage of my life.Merci!
Thanks Dad for helping me in those documentary things.
Thanks Mum for loving me and keeps concern about me.
Thanks Sis for supporting and non-stop talking with me,haha =p.
Then,all teachers of SMCH.You all helped me a lot in both academics and life.
Special thanks to Pn.Eja who is not only assisting me in Chemistry and Physics but always ready to give advices and words of wisdom.
Thanks Pn.Helen Yong who initially kind-of-forcing me to stay in SMCH's chinese debate team.I learnt a lot from debate.Thanks for giving me such a good chance to 'utilise' or 'exploit' my debate skills.
Thanks Auntie Mary for the blessing and dhamma book.
Thanks Auntie Yu Cai for the joy and laughter throughout these fews year.
Thanks Pn.Lian for the motivation and strong believe towards me.
Thanks everyone for ur wishes and blessings.
With ur blessings and love,I believe that I can fear no more and undergo every challenge that is coming soon.
Jet'aime.
ps.special thanks to the keningau boy for everything.I think u know what are those things.haha =p.I believe the eiffel tower will give strength for me to overcome everything.Merci! =)
Time flies.Those enjoying months were gone.
When i think about this,it just like WHOA!
After all,thanks Buddha,I managed to get JPA.
Medicine course in India.
I've to admit that India is not my dream country.However,basically,it's actually an advanced country that provides quality courses in medical field.
That's why I've to accept government's decision.
Yet,those worries and fear that almost defeated me these few days made me realise that I'm actually reluctant to force myself to accept it...
Well,stop it!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shangrou Tan,Don't think too much.Worries can change nothing,believe on the bright side. =)
Well,I will leave Tenom,this lovely-small-town.
I like here so much.Thanks the keningau boy that accompanied me to travel around this place before i leave here.
I like the people here that are always warm and kind.I like the trees and flowers here that actually enable me to step nearer to the nature and relax my mind.I like the environment here which is unique and unforgettable.The place where I grew up and learnt a lot in these 18 years.
Leaving seems hard,yet,it's compulsory.I would like to wish the best for ppl around me before leaving.
May laughter immerses u all in the stream of happiness.
May tears keep away from u all.
May sadness avoids are who always support me and help me in every stage of my life.Merci!
Thanks Dad for helping me in those documentary things.
Thanks Mum for loving me and keeps concern about me.
Thanks Sis for supporting and non-stop talking with me,haha =p.
Then,all teachers of SMCH.You all helped me a lot in both academics and life.
Special thanks to Pn.Eja who is not only assisting me in Chemistry and Physics but always ready to give advices and words of wisdom.
Thanks Pn.Helen Yong who initially kind-of-forcing me to stay in SMCH's chinese debate team.I learnt a lot from debate.Thanks for giving me such a good chance to 'utilise' or 'exploit' my debate skills.
Thanks Auntie Mary for the blessing and dhamma book.
Thanks Auntie Yu Cai for the joy and laughter throughout these fews year.
Thanks Pn.Lian for the motivation and strong believe towards me.
Thanks everyone for ur wishes and blessings.
With ur blessings and love,I believe that I can fear no more and undergo every challenge that is coming soon.
Jet'aime.
ps.special thanks to the keningau boy for everything.I think u know what are those things.haha =p.I believe the eiffel tower will give strength for me to overcome everything.Merci! =)
Monday, May 17, 2010
Waiting for the biggest change...
I am waiting for JPA's result.
I have been waiting from 5 of april(after the interview) until now.
It seems like I can't wait anymore,yet I'm nervous!!!
OMG!Buddha please bless me.I really hope i can get it!
It is the result that will lead to the next move and make the biggest change in my life!
Which road will be taken?It's all beyond the result.
Please.Praying comforts me yet I can't concentrate myself to pray.
Amitabha.I will pray for the best!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Jodelle -- A new start...
Well,stop blogging for months already.
Suddenly wanna spill something here.
Yeah.Here is a great place for me to spill my problems.No wonder why people always say that we will only know what is the best for us once we really need it.
Having some problems with a friend.
It's hurt yet it made me to think about my behavior and way of communication.He will never know how hurt am I when he said i am WEIRD.I thought thoroughly on my behavior to him once he said so.
He is probably right.
I made him felt weird.My behavior made him confused.My way of communication made him misunderstand.
I need to change.Change to a new leaf perhaps.
I should believe in my own ability and be independent.
I should always think on the bright side.
I should face every problem by myself.
I should handle everything that distracts me.No matter what.
I should think twice before doing anything(especially in words).
I should be CONFIDENT enough.
I should believe in hope and miracle.
I should be strong.
I should not rely too much on others once I come to problem.
I should not simply sharing my problems yet never find an appropriate solution for it.
I should not like to say something that will make u misunderstand.
I should not always think that I am a girl that need to assistance in everything.
I should not hesitate in making any decision for MY OWN LIFE.
I should not limit myself in such a small part of my life.
I should not let time creeps between meaningless events.
I should not continue those meaningless relationships and activities.
I should not run away from the reality.
I believe I can change myself from now on.
I wanna be strong,positive,confident and bright.
I can do it! =)
Jodelle--A new start of everything.
Suddenly wanna spill something here.
Yeah.Here is a great place for me to spill my problems.No wonder why people always say that we will only know what is the best for us once we really need it.
Having some problems with a friend.
It's hurt yet it made me to think about my behavior and way of communication.He will never know how hurt am I when he said i am WEIRD.I thought thoroughly on my behavior to him once he said so.
He is probably right.
I made him felt weird.My behavior made him confused.My way of communication made him misunderstand.
I need to change.Change to a new leaf perhaps.
I should believe in my own ability and be independent.
I should always think on the bright side.
I should face every problem by myself.
I should handle everything that distracts me.No matter what.
I should think twice before doing anything(especially in words).
I should be CONFIDENT enough.
I should believe in hope and miracle.
I should be strong.
I should not rely too much on others once I come to problem.
I should not simply sharing my problems yet never find an appropriate solution for it.
I should not like to say something that will make u misunderstand.
I should not always think that I am a girl that need to assistance in everything.
I should not hesitate in making any decision for MY OWN LIFE.
I should not limit myself in such a small part of my life.
I should not let time creeps between meaningless events.
I should not continue those meaningless relationships and activities.
I should not run away from the reality.
I believe I can change myself from now on.
I wanna be strong,positive,confident and bright.
I can do it! =)
Jodelle--A new start of everything.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
给珏对敏锐的话...
好久没有写部落格了。或许是过去几个月没有值得我倾诉的事。
如今，心里抱着很沉重，不舍，错综复杂的心情，决定写下我心中最真实的感受。
近几个星期都忙着帮忙珏对敏锐练习辩论。虽然有些辛苦、疲惫，但是，在议长宣布拒绝动议的那一刻，心里的满足感、喜悦和自豪是非笔墨能形容，也是非言语能表达的。
想起我刚刚完成3个月的国民服务，杨老师联络我叫我帮忙选人辩论的时候，那种茫然的心情，如今还记忆犹新。我永远都不会忘记我和杨老师站在校园中央望着校园思索的无奈。那一刻，我们都以为后继无人了。当时的我，真的担心丹中辩论队从此后继无人，没有人能继续为‘非你莫属’完成梦想、延续回忆。
逼于无奈，我们还是选了3个完全无上场经验的新手--诗珏，欣敏和嘉锐。我相信，在我们决定人选的那一刹那，杨老师和我的心情都是战战兢兢的。毕竟，你们接着要面对的将会是延续‘非你莫属’蝉联冠军的重担。
为了让你们了解辩论的运作和国会辩的形式、让你们掌握辩论的技巧和窍门，我们特别出了一题辩论题作为试题。
刚开始，你们的确是初生之犊，既不能反驳论点、也不能捍卫立场。渐渐地，不知不觉中，你们每个人的潜能开始浮现。你们蜕变的过程是奇妙的，更是叫人欣慰的。从哑口无言变得理直气壮，从呆头呆脑变得随机应变，从被动反攻变得主动进攻，从被我牵着绕圈子变得不再轻易跌入我设下的陷阱。这是一天天、一点一滴累积起来的。或许，你们不曾感觉自己在改变，也不了解自己的定位；然而，在你们的一言一语中，我看到了另一只有能力重振雄风的队伍。
期间，你们必须面对功课与辩论的双重压力，必须面对杨老师的责骂，必须在短时间内学会辩论技巧，必须牺牲休息时间。有时，你们的埋怨、疲惫及压力，我是看在眼里，痛在心里。或许是因为我是过来人，我了解你们所面对的压力、我知道你们的想法、我清楚你们的心情，往往令我非常心疼你们。或许是出于一份同情、一份怜悯、一份关怀，我尽力帮助你们，希望能用我渺小的能力分担你们肩上的重担。这样的想法，或许是愚蠢的，但，对我而言，这是我唯一能为你们这些小瓜做的。
期间，我试着让你们更了解题目、试着为你们建立信心、试着开解你们、试着帮你们在老师面前说好话、试着减轻你们的负担。我不否认，当我看到温什么都不贡献的时候，我的心里有不平衡的想法。我开始质疑自己消耗自己的私人时间帮助你们是否明智。我开始怀疑究竟你们值不值得我付出。我甚至怀疑你们究竟有没有用心、了不了解我的苦心。不过，那只是两天的事。如今忆起，我非常懊悔，觉得那是我最近做的最不对的事。我不应该轻易地质疑你们、更不应该有想要放弃你们的念头。毕竟，只要真心付出，一切都是值得的。
比赛的日子一天天的接近。看着你们紧张的心情，我也开始感到忐忑。原来，不知不觉中，我已融入了这只队伍，已增添了一份奇妙的归属感。我永远不会忘记出发前一天你们个个脸上沉重的表情，更不会忽略当时你们压抑的心情。那个傍晚，我试着跟杨老师妥协，让你们隔天不用到校上课，有足够的时间休息和准备。我不会忘记杨老师对我说的那一番话。那天晚上我的心情也是沉重的。我感觉到你们的压力，也听到杨老师的担忧。我唯一能做的就是增加双方的信心，答应即使是上台前的一分钟，我也会竭尽所能帮助你们。
终于，珏对敏锐没有令我失望，在比赛中脱颖而出，为‘非你莫属’重振雄风。一直以来，许多人都小看你们，其他辩手轻视你们，杨老师对你们缺乏信心，校方对你们没有抱着太大而期望；终于，你们成功证明了你们的实力！身为一份子，我实在为你们感到光荣！
感谢你们最终取得胜利。因为你们的成就让我相信真心的付出是不会白费的。你们让我饱受满足感。在练习的过程中更让我看见蜕变的奥妙。在你们身上，我看到了自己的过去。谢谢=）
珏对敏锐，你们做到了！！！
虽然过后你们更加烦恼，为后来的日子担忧，但是，我一定会在离开前尽力帮助你们的。
其实，在回程的旅途中，你们的抱怨、倾诉都令我心疼，看着你们的辛苦，我实在不忍心。
我能做的只是尽力开解你们，让你们建立信心，在这样的磨练中努力地走下去。
我答应你们，我不会对下你们不管。即使全国赛有多难熬，我都会尽力帮助你们渡过难关。
我要离开了，你们竟成了我不舍得的原因之一。
我才察觉，不知不觉中，‘珏对敏锐，以柔克刚’建立了一份如此深厚的感情。
我虽然即将离开，但是，我会在离开前尽量先帮助你们准备国赛的辩题，我不会放弃，我永远会默默的支持你们！
愿上天怜悯，保佑我得到JPA奖学金。这样一来,不但圆了我的梦想，也赐了我足够的时间陪你们共同进退。你们别忘了曾答应我为我祈祷的哦。愿上天成全。
无论如何，珏对敏锐一定要记得，我永远会在这里支持你们、帮助你们,默默为你们祈祷，献上我最真诚的祝福。
“古有非你莫属风靡一时，称霸辩坛；今有珏对敏锐重振雄风、再创高峰！”
珏对敏锐，以柔克刚万岁！！！
如今，心里抱着很沉重，不舍，错综复杂的心情，决定写下我心中最真实的感受。
近几个星期都忙着帮忙珏对敏锐练习辩论。虽然有些辛苦、疲惫，但是，在议长宣布拒绝动议的那一刻，心里的满足感、喜悦和自豪是非笔墨能形容，也是非言语能表达的。
想起我刚刚完成3个月的国民服务，杨老师联络我叫我帮忙选人辩论的时候，那种茫然的心情，如今还记忆犹新。我永远都不会忘记我和杨老师站在校园中央望着校园思索的无奈。那一刻，我们都以为后继无人了。当时的我，真的担心丹中辩论队从此后继无人，没有人能继续为‘非你莫属’完成梦想、延续回忆。
逼于无奈，我们还是选了3个完全无上场经验的新手--诗珏，欣敏和嘉锐。我相信，在我们决定人选的那一刹那，杨老师和我的心情都是战战兢兢的。毕竟，你们接着要面对的将会是延续‘非你莫属’蝉联冠军的重担。
为了让你们了解辩论的运作和国会辩的形式、让你们掌握辩论的技巧和窍门，我们特别出了一题辩论题作为试题。
刚开始，你们的确是初生之犊，既不能反驳论点、也不能捍卫立场。渐渐地，不知不觉中，你们每个人的潜能开始浮现。你们蜕变的过程是奇妙的，更是叫人欣慰的。从哑口无言变得理直气壮，从呆头呆脑变得随机应变，从被动反攻变得主动进攻，从被我牵着绕圈子变得不再轻易跌入我设下的陷阱。这是一天天、一点一滴累积起来的。或许，你们不曾感觉自己在改变，也不了解自己的定位；然而，在你们的一言一语中，我看到了另一只有能力重振雄风的队伍。
期间，你们必须面对功课与辩论的双重压力，必须面对杨老师的责骂，必须在短时间内学会辩论技巧，必须牺牲休息时间。有时，你们的埋怨、疲惫及压力，我是看在眼里，痛在心里。或许是因为我是过来人，我了解你们所面对的压力、我知道你们的想法、我清楚你们的心情，往往令我非常心疼你们。或许是出于一份同情、一份怜悯、一份关怀，我尽力帮助你们，希望能用我渺小的能力分担你们肩上的重担。这样的想法，或许是愚蠢的，但，对我而言，这是我唯一能为你们这些小瓜做的。
期间，我试着让你们更了解题目、试着为你们建立信心、试着开解你们、试着帮你们在老师面前说好话、试着减轻你们的负担。我不否认，当我看到温什么都不贡献的时候，我的心里有不平衡的想法。我开始质疑自己消耗自己的私人时间帮助你们是否明智。我开始怀疑究竟你们值不值得我付出。我甚至怀疑你们究竟有没有用心、了不了解我的苦心。不过，那只是两天的事。如今忆起，我非常懊悔，觉得那是我最近做的最不对的事。我不应该轻易地质疑你们、更不应该有想要放弃你们的念头。毕竟，只要真心付出，一切都是值得的。
比赛的日子一天天的接近。看着你们紧张的心情，我也开始感到忐忑。原来，不知不觉中，我已融入了这只队伍，已增添了一份奇妙的归属感。我永远不会忘记出发前一天你们个个脸上沉重的表情，更不会忽略当时你们压抑的心情。那个傍晚，我试着跟杨老师妥协，让你们隔天不用到校上课，有足够的时间休息和准备。我不会忘记杨老师对我说的那一番话。那天晚上我的心情也是沉重的。我感觉到你们的压力，也听到杨老师的担忧。我唯一能做的就是增加双方的信心，答应即使是上台前的一分钟，我也会竭尽所能帮助你们。
终于，珏对敏锐没有令我失望，在比赛中脱颖而出，为‘非你莫属’重振雄风。一直以来，许多人都小看你们，其他辩手轻视你们，杨老师对你们缺乏信心，校方对你们没有抱着太大而期望；终于，你们成功证明了你们的实力！身为一份子，我实在为你们感到光荣！
感谢你们最终取得胜利。因为你们的成就让我相信真心的付出是不会白费的。你们让我饱受满足感。在练习的过程中更让我看见蜕变的奥妙。在你们身上，我看到了自己的过去。谢谢=）
珏对敏锐，你们做到了！！！
虽然过后你们更加烦恼，为后来的日子担忧，但是，我一定会在离开前尽力帮助你们的。
其实，在回程的旅途中，你们的抱怨、倾诉都令我心疼，看着你们的辛苦，我实在不忍心。
我能做的只是尽力开解你们，让你们建立信心，在这样的磨练中努力地走下去。
我答应你们，我不会对下你们不管。即使全国赛有多难熬，我都会尽力帮助你们渡过难关。
我要离开了，你们竟成了我不舍得的原因之一。
我才察觉，不知不觉中，‘珏对敏锐，以柔克刚’建立了一份如此深厚的感情。
我虽然即将离开，但是，我会在离开前尽量先帮助你们准备国赛的辩题，我不会放弃，我永远会默默的支持你们！
愿上天怜悯，保佑我得到JPA奖学金。这样一来,不但圆了我的梦想，也赐了我足够的时间陪你们共同进退。你们别忘了曾答应我为我祈祷的哦。愿上天成全。
无论如何，珏对敏锐一定要记得，我永远会在这里支持你们、帮助你们,默默为你们祈祷，献上我最真诚的祝福。
“古有非你莫属风靡一时，称霸辩坛；今有珏对敏锐重振雄风、再创高峰！”
珏对敏锐，以柔克刚万岁！！！
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Be Rational.
Dunno why,i'm so so so emo today.
well,i guess i'm too busy before,i put my emotional problems aside,now,it's time to face it.
I need changes.Ya,this is what i think and this is what i want.
I have to admit,i'm a coward.
I can't really face problem(even though i seem rational enough to solve problem).
I cannot really accept the reality,
I'm a big liar that always lie to my heart and my brain.
Don't I?Am i really turn optimise?
Am i really happy and relax now?
Am i able to ignore all comments that hurt me?
I wonder.
Tan Shang Rou,please be real when u're reflecting ur life.
Please let ur brain have a face-to-face talk with ur heart.
I know,if i wanna achieve my dream,i have to be rational.
I can't play others life.
I have to change. Be rational.
U can!I know u can.
As u really wanna achieve ur dream :)
Gambateh!
well,i guess i'm too busy before,i put my emotional problems aside,now,it's time to face it.
I need changes.Ya,this is what i think and this is what i want.
I have to admit,i'm a coward.
I can't really face problem(even though i seem rational enough to solve problem).
I cannot really accept the reality,
I'm a big liar that always lie to my heart and my brain.
Don't I?Am i really turn optimise?
Am i really happy and relax now?
Am i able to ignore all comments that hurt me?
I wonder.
Tan Shang Rou,please be real when u're reflecting ur life.
Please let ur brain have a face-to-face talk with ur heart.
I know,if i wanna achieve my dream,i have to be rational.
I can't play others life.
I have to change. Be rational.
U can!I know u can.
As u really wanna achieve ur dream :)
Gambateh!
Monday, December 14, 2009
The War was ENDED.
Ladies and Gentlemen,
say bye to SPM!
uhuhu!(^.^)v!!!!
Well,busying with my facebook account.
Finally managed to make it!
say bye to SPM!
uhuhu!(^.^)v!!!!
Well,busying with my facebook account.
Finally managed to make it!
Friday, December 4, 2009
ACCEPT.
Hooray!Physics OVER!
Actually i'm really scared before the paper.Luckily,Buddha bless & everything was past.
Dunno how the result will be.Well,what can i do?
The only thing is ACCEPT.
Well,it is just the same theory with National Service.
Yea,i'm so lucky that i'm one of the ''forced'' participant.
Undeniably that i really can't accept such fact at the very beginning.
Maybe i'm too confident that i will never be so lucky.
I was not ready.However,such feeling changes during these weeks.
I can't do anything,i have to ACCEPT.
Luckily,i know how to treat those people that like to tease me.
You all won't able to hurt me.WON'T.
I should answer u all proudly,
''Yea,i'm chosen to participate ns,i will lose my 3-months-after-spm-holiday,i will not able to join u all to work at anywhere,i cannot join ur trip to wherever u all want.So what?I'll have a extremely meaningful & precious memories.You all will never touch N16 except u are an soldier,you all will never stay at Kem Tuaran except u're chosen.''
Sincerely,i'm having such thinking now.Extremely positive.
Sometimes i wonder why i will have such thinking.
I was extremely negative when i was in Form 3 &Form 4.
I can't control my emotion(or scientifically,my cerebrum) during that period.
Wow!What made me changed?
I dunno.
Maybe this is what Master Wen Jian said,''negative become positive,positive become supreme positive.'' =)
Thanks Buddha.
Of course,i have to admit that i din go to Buddha Class or any temple for a long time already.
However,thanks karma that i can study Dharma deeply when i'm joinning ns.
I'll have the opportunity to go to Ci Yin Temple every tuesday/thrusday!
Oh!SUPER NICE!!!
Again,thanks buddha.I never let myself walking out of the orbit of Dharma,i'll follow ur teaching.
I'll never forget to pray every night before i sleep.I'll never ferget that Buddha is the strongest support that leads me to another part of my life.I'll never forget that Dharma gives me the strongest strength to counter everything.
Because of Buddha&Dharma,i know which way should i choose,
Because of Buddha&Dharma,i know what to do when people try to hurt me,
Because of Buddha&Dharma,i know how to counter every problem that i meet,
Because of Buddha&Dharma,i know the way to ACCEPT everything,no matter triumph or disaster.
AMITABHA.
Actually i'm really scared before the paper.Luckily,Buddha bless & everything was past.
Dunno how the result will be.Well,what can i do?
The only thing is ACCEPT.
Well,it is just the same theory with National Service.
Yea,i'm so lucky that i'm one of the ''forced'' participant.
Undeniably that i really can't accept such fact at the very beginning.
Maybe i'm too confident that i will never be so lucky.
I was not ready.However,such feeling changes during these weeks.
I can't do anything,i have to ACCEPT.
Luckily,i know how to treat those people that like to tease me.
You all won't able to hurt me.WON'T.
I should answer u all proudly,
''Yea,i'm chosen to participate ns,i will lose my 3-months-after-spm-holiday,i will not able to join u all to work at anywhere,i cannot join ur trip to wherever u all want.So what?I'll have a extremely meaningful & precious memories.You all will never touch N16 except u are an soldier,you all will never stay at Kem Tuaran except u're chosen.''
Sincerely,i'm having such thinking now.Extremely positive.
Sometimes i wonder why i will have such thinking.
I was extremely negative when i was in Form 3 &Form 4.
I can't control my emotion(or scientifically,my cerebrum) during that period.
Wow!What made me changed?
I dunno.
Maybe this is what Master Wen Jian said,''negative become positive,positive become supreme positive.'' =)
Thanks Buddha.
Of course,i have to admit that i din go to Buddha Class or any temple for a long time already.
However,thanks karma that i can study Dharma deeply when i'm joinning ns.
I'll have the opportunity to go to Ci Yin Temple every tuesday/thrusday!
Oh!SUPER NICE!!!
Again,thanks buddha.I never let myself walking out of the orbit of Dharma,i'll follow ur teaching.
I'll never forget to pray every night before i sleep.I'll never ferget that Buddha is the strongest support that leads me to another part of my life.I'll never forget that Dharma gives me the strongest strength to counter everything.
Because of Buddha&Dharma,i know which way should i choose,
Because of Buddha&Dharma,i know what to do when people try to hurt me,
Because of Buddha&Dharma,i know how to counter every problem that i meet,
Because of Buddha&Dharma,i know the way to ACCEPT everything,no matter triumph or disaster.
AMITABHA.
Monday, November 30, 2009
A quick post
Oh!Just realised that i din blog for ages already.
Gosh,these days are busy and tired.
Rushing for time,struggling with facts & fighting with those exam questions.
SPM,finally it comes.
I have to accept,without any resistance,don't i?
3 more subjects,buddha,3 more.Please,bless me for 3 more days!
Undeniably that it's really tiring & frustrating(something UNFAIR)!
However,these days made me realised loads of love and support around.
It's warm and touched.Owh!=)
First and foremost,my parents & the peking croc,thanks for supporting &preparing everything for me.
Then,teachers (a lot):
Mr.Robert --s/u peperiksaan & sejarah
Mrs.Raba'ah --bm & support
Mrs.Eja --support & love & sacrification & advice
Mr.Peter -- math&add math
Mr.Donny -- est
Mr.Kev,Mr.Wilson & Mrs.Florence -- english
Mrs.Nancy -- bio&advice
Mr. Azlan -- sej
Mrs.Phoon -- add math
Mrs. Woo -- bio & advice & support
Ms.Loretta -- support & blessing
Mrs.Helen -- support & knowledge
Mrs.Teh -- support
Special thanks to my ex-principal,Pn.Lian for advice,care and concern.
Thanks to Gerard,YiJing,John,ZiYang,Jackie and Anne too. =)
3 Days more!I'll continue fighting!
AZA AZA FIGHTING!!!
Beeps.
-To Be Continue-
Gosh,these days are busy and tired.
Rushing for time,struggling with facts & fighting with those exam questions.
SPM,finally it comes.
I have to accept,without any resistance,don't i?
3 more subjects,buddha,3 more.Please,bless me for 3 more days!
Undeniably that it's really tiring & frustrating(something UNFAIR)!
However,these days made me realised loads of love and support around.
It's warm and touched.Owh!=)
First and foremost,my parents & the peking croc,thanks for supporting &preparing everything for me.
Then,teachers (a lot):
Mr.Robert --s/u peperiksaan & sejarah
Mrs.Raba'ah --bm & support
Mrs.Eja --support & love & sacrification & advice
Mr.Peter -- math&add math
Mr.Donny -- est
Mr.Kev,Mr.Wilson & Mrs.Florence -- english
Mrs.Nancy -- bio&advice
Mr. Azlan -- sej
Mrs.Phoon -- add math
Mrs. Woo -- bio & advice & support
Ms.Loretta -- support & blessing
Mrs.Helen -- support & knowledge
Mrs.Teh -- support
Special thanks to my ex-principal,Pn.Lian for advice,care and concern.
Thanks to Gerard,YiJing,John,ZiYang,Jackie and Anne too. =)
3 Days more!I'll continue fighting!
AZA AZA FIGHTING!!!
Beeps.
-To Be Continue-
Saturday, August 8, 2009
十二因缘 -- 醒了，觉了，修了
Here comes shangrou's first chinese post.
Post below is about my self-experience in Buddha lately,
which i think i'm just walked out from disaster and persistent.
I felt the way of karma and buddha as Master Xing Kong leaded me there.
Undeniably that i'm x so sure about my belief to Buddha for pervious month.
Perhaps i'm too busy and thus blind in life and religion.
However,thanks karma,i belief in karma and buddha now. Strong and firm. =)
(p.s. sometimes i did have strong belief in buddha but it lost suddenly.
Perhaps this time it won't.And i trust it won't,as i strongly belief in it.)
近来我的生活似乎都被忙碌占据了。
辩论了考试，考试了辩论，辩论了又再考试。
这样的生活除了忙碌，伴随着的只有压力以及阻力。
生活上的挫折，学习上的阻碍，情绪上的失控，精力上的缺失，心灵上的空虚统统涌上。
每天的唯一敌人就是时间，一分一秒似乎都是关键。
睡眠不足，难以入眠等问题都已司空见惯，
甚至有些时候会觉得其实睡觉是浪费时间的事。
为了精神、精力，不得不强迫自己一天至少睡4-5个小时。
这样的生活似乎只有付出，走一步见一步。
以佛法的角度来说，那是十二因缘中的第一个：无明。
真的无明。
我的心里是很急的祈祷，但是，我根本就感觉不到那一道曙光，看不到佛陀指引的路。
有时候真的觉得自己好像是在盲目的摸索，永远不懂自己究竟会摸到什么。
一考完试，休息充电了一天，又要开始忙辩论。
因缘下知道性空法师及宗皓法师要来，本来也无动于衷，毕竟我自己打心里已经知道自己的佛性已越来越脆弱，与佛陀的距离更是越来越远，疑惑及矛盾无法释怀。
‘这是个无始无终的世界，没有开始，没有结束。’
这个答案对我来说太过抽象。
身边的人事物，大自然里的每一个生物，人体的奥妙，化学的反应难道都无始无终？
当时的我觉得佛法似乎只存在着理论，是一种注重道理的教育，缺乏心灵寄托。
当我对我应该熟悉的佛教渐渐陌生的时候，一个平日鲜少出席佛教活动的老师竟然叫我出席。
感觉真的很奇怪，总不明白他何时变得如此虔诚?
是我变了？还是他改了？
我茫然。
后来，终于决定去听师父弘法开示。
Post below is about my self-experience in Buddha lately,
which i think i'm just walked out from disaster and persistent.
I felt the way of karma and buddha as Master Xing Kong leaded me there.
Undeniably that i'm x so sure about my belief to Buddha for pervious month.
Perhaps i'm too busy and thus blind in life and religion.
However,thanks karma,i belief in karma and buddha now. Strong and firm. =)
(p.s. sometimes i did have strong belief in buddha but it lost suddenly.
Perhaps this time it won't.And i trust it won't,as i strongly belief in it.)
近来我的生活似乎都被忙碌占据了。
辩论了考试，考试了辩论，辩论了又再考试。
这样的生活除了忙碌，伴随着的只有压力以及阻力。
生活上的挫折，学习上的阻碍，情绪上的失控，精力上的缺失，心灵上的空虚统统涌上。
每天的唯一敌人就是时间，一分一秒似乎都是关键。
睡眠不足，难以入眠等问题都已司空见惯，
甚至有些时候会觉得其实睡觉是浪费时间的事。
为了精神、精力，不得不强迫自己一天至少睡4-5个小时。
这样的生活似乎只有付出，走一步见一步。
以佛法的角度来说，那是十二因缘中的第一个：无明。
真的无明。
我的心里是很急的祈祷，但是，我根本就感觉不到那一道曙光，看不到佛陀指引的路。
有时候真的觉得自己好像是在盲目的摸索，永远不懂自己究竟会摸到什么。
一考完试，休息充电了一天，又要开始忙辩论。
因缘下知道性空法师及宗皓法师要来，本来也无动于衷，毕竟我自己打心里已经知道自己的佛性已越来越脆弱，与佛陀的距离更是越来越远，疑惑及矛盾无法释怀。
‘这是个无始无终的世界，没有开始，没有结束。’
这个答案对我来说太过抽象。
身边的人事物，大自然里的每一个生物，人体的奥妙，化学的反应难道都无始无终？
当时的我觉得佛法似乎只存在着理论，是一种注重道理的教育，缺乏心灵寄托。
当我对我应该熟悉的佛教渐渐陌生的时候，一个平日鲜少出席佛教活动的老师竟然叫我出席。
感觉真的很奇怪，总不明白他何时变得如此虔诚?
是我变了？还是他改了？
我茫然。
后来，终于决定去听师父弘法开示。
大家见我出席，似乎是见到奇迹，很不可思议。
师父谈的十二因缘，令我见到佛法的伟大，佛陀智慧的光芒。
伟大的佛陀啊！
您的智慧让我们的生命都有了曙光，有了指引，果真是觉者！
师傅回答了我的问题。
任何东西都是因为因缘和合，都是业历而成。
最主要的是要改变每一个当下，让它成为最好的缘。
今世，受的是上一世的果报；决定的是下一世的因缘。
众生都因为十二因缘，在轮回中转来转去，没有起点，也没有终点。
即使这样，我们还是可以操控这一生。
因为所有的果报都必须因缘俱全才会发生。
因-- 上一世的果，
缘-- 这一世我们所种的种子。
过后师父还跟我们闲聊，聊得可开心、起劲了！
我们看着缘起法的图像，体验着佛法的奥秘。
师父说的没错，其实，一天中，我们至少经历了一百次的十二因缘，不懂几百圈了。
说着说着，人一个又一个的走了，剩下的人越来越少。
不知不觉中，我们组了两组：
宗皓法师，师姐，瑞钟 --- 第三圈（爱，取，有）//爱情组
性空法师，Kelvin老师，赖老师，我 --- 第二圈
不过我们的第二圈范围还可真大呢！
我们谈到佛经，谈到佛经的预言（太准了），谈到末法，谈到人生，谈到习气。
真的太棒了！我真的有被人点醒的感觉！
那瞬间，我看到了佛法引导我的路，那道曙光 =）
无可否认，女生的习气是比较多，所以修行的时候会比较难，不过，我会努力的。
只要不捉的太紧，不要过于执着，了解无常，钩心斗角，嫉妒，伤心，就会离我远去。 =p.
师父说，要看到自己的前世不难，只要看看今世便能知道。
突然察觉今世我还真的蛮有福报的。
至少我处于人道，未堕入三恶道。
阿弥陀佛！
感谢前世的我，
今世的我，好好修行哦！
佛法是生活哦！
Buddha is Life.
p.s.跟师父交流，闲聊后回家，家里两个‘包青天’可是不高兴的呢！
或许是因为我太迟回家了吧，不过真的不了解，为什么我‘改邪归正’肯听佛法，他们也不喜欢。不过还是不要紧啦，师父说过：“心态决定一切，反正世事无常，捉不住的。” =）
觉修 合十
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Yahoo v.s. Haiz.
Phew!Ladies and gentlemen,EXAM is OVER!!!
Oh!It finally comes to an end.
2 weeks,ignore everything for 2 week,it was a disaster.
It's really a super good and great feeling after the last paper.
Relief! =p.
It's really a loong time that i didn't blog.
Busy.But happy and grateful. =)
I always think that busy and happy are 2 "mutually exclusive event".Once you're busy,you won't gain happiness.I just never imagine that i'm smiling while busy with work and things.For me,the only companion for busy is --tension and stress.
Some people describe me as the 'slave of work' who dunno how to enjoy life.
Yeah.I've to admit that i maybe the kind of people. Numb.
However,this exam inspired me.No.I should say that a friend inspired me.The first day of exam really brought me on wall,i can't bear the tension.I'm nervous.It was a MESS.
Luckily,a good friend inspired me on the spot.Steady and calm will bring confidence.Now i believe in it,strongly and firmly. =)
I promise i'll never become the 'nervous duck' again. =p.
Thanks,Jackie. =)
I know that busier life is coming soon(very very soon) and i may meet a lot of obstacles and challenges,which is more disastrous.
I really can't imagine that how could i overcome these problems alone without 'motivation ATM'.
Can i overcome all of the challenges alone?
Going to live busier.
Going to apart with an inspiring friend.
Going to face everything by myself.
Going to suceed or fail in overcoming problems.
Going to the unknown future.
Going to face reality.
Going to make more decisions(which is difficult for me).
Going to continue living.
Oh!God!I can't see the way.It's too far.
The track is so difficult to trace that i'm totally blurred.
Bless me that there's always a hint to continue every part of my life.
Anyway,thanks for giving me such a lovely family,some inspiring friend and quite many good teachers.
Amitabha.
p.s. I miss Camp!
Here comes the photos!
We are family. =)
sweet tent for girls.Guess which is mine?
Oh!It finally comes to an end.
2 weeks,ignore everything for 2 week,it was a disaster.
It's really a super good and great feeling after the last paper.
Relief! =p.
It's really a loong time that i didn't blog.
Busy.But happy and grateful. =)
I always think that busy and happy are 2 "mutually exclusive event".Once you're busy,you won't gain happiness.I just never imagine that i'm smiling while busy with work and things.For me,the only companion for busy is --tension and stress.
Some people describe me as the 'slave of work' who dunno how to enjoy life.
Yeah.I've to admit that i maybe the kind of people. Numb.
However,this exam inspired me.No.I should say that a friend inspired me.The first day of exam really brought me on wall,i can't bear the tension.I'm nervous.It was a MESS.
Luckily,a good friend inspired me on the spot.Steady and calm will bring confidence.Now i believe in it,strongly and firmly. =)
I promise i'll never become the 'nervous duck' again. =p.
Thanks,Jackie. =)
I know that busier life is coming soon(very very soon) and i may meet a lot of obstacles and challenges,which is more disastrous.
I really can't imagine that how could i overcome these problems alone without 'motivation ATM'.
Can i overcome all of the challenges alone?
Going to live busier.
Going to apart with an inspiring friend.
Going to face everything by myself.
Going to suceed or fail in overcoming problems.
Going to the unknown future.
Going to face reality.
Going to make more decisions(which is difficult for me).
Going to continue living.
Oh!God!I can't see the way.It's too far.
The track is so difficult to trace that i'm totally blurred.
Bless me that there's always a hint to continue every part of my life.
Anyway,thanks for giving me such a lovely family,some inspiring friend and quite many good teachers.
Amitabha.
p.s. I miss Camp!
Here comes the photos!
We are family. =)sweet tent for girls.Guess which is mine?Hint:I'm the one who will be knocked if someone shoots a ball. =)
Guys' camp.Natural.Haha.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
The Camp.
That was an annual camp. It held every year but i never ever care it.
I'm not suitable in sports and this kindda things.Some even say that i'm miss study-girl or academic-girl.
Anyway,i joinned it this year,the very last year and well, the year of changes.
I joinned it because of the 'assembly's gang' asked me to go with them. At the beginning part,i'm confused whether i should go or not. I got a lot of things to do. After weighing the pros and cons,i go.
The First Day
It surprised me that the camp was not conducted by the teachers but conducted by the army.
The coperal will be our commander.
Well,he is strict,fierce and a 'cold-blood' type of 'ladder' (he pronounced leader as ladder).
We hate him so much that we always imagine the time we punch him.Haha.
He briefed us with all the do and don't.
Oh yeah,i was grouped with my gang and my 'crush'--GH.It's so nice. Haha.
After that, we built our camp.
We slept at the basketball court.But,the guys were so much pity than us,they slept on grass.
Then,it was the cooking time.
Well,it 's my free time too. I can't cook well.
Luckily, i got cliff and he cooked for us.Haha.
It's amazing to see the teacher's car park turned to a 'kitchen' which was crowded by people and unfaded by smoke and shoot.
We cooked the food by using wood.Haha. Primitive.
The smoke wet my eyes.
Shower time.
All of us rushed to the toilet and grabbed the opportunity to clean up ourselves.
Like what Ustad. said. Zero-cooperation.No one will please you at that time.
And gosh,there's no water.
I was halved soaped and halved unsoaped.
Luckily,my friend passed ma another pail of water.
Anyway,the stupid-damn whistle is blown.
Some of the camper not even showered or ate yet.
We were so happy at night as the teachers will conduct the whole activity.
I was so glad-without-helpless when i heard Ustad. asked us bear with the coperal. He knew it without our words. He talked things which can diffuse directly to all of our arteries and veins. He is wise and i like him. =)
Maybe,this is what religious do. Look through our eyes and detect everything from our mind.
After some group activities,we hit our head on sacks on almost 12.oo am.
Oh yeah,in the activity GH showed his handsome style,soo charm.I love it. Haha =D
p.s. The guys slept on the wet grass as it rainned and they were exposed as the bites of mosquitoes. Pity. =p GH told me he can't sleep,haiz.=p
The Second Day
Woke up on 4.25am. Almost everyone was waken by afraidness.Haha.
Then,we gathered at the opan hall after the 'wisel-azimat' is blown. (Actually we named it Disastrous Whistle)
We lined up and had our senamrobik. The poco-poco dance was so fun. (I caught it up,okay?) Well,i think this is the first time i saw GH dancing. It's charming even though he was stucked most of the time. =)
After breakfast,we listened to a talk about leaders.(Should i spell it 'ladder' like what our coperal did?Haha.)
Then,we cooked again.As we had hiking after that,we cooked simple cooking only.
Again, the 'kitchen' was unfaded by smoke and shoot. This is the first time i saw GH with a pair of red eyes. Pity him. Just like me,he never cook at home.Thus,he was just looking here and there and delivering the table salt.Haha. He's smart in study but looked numb in cooking. =p
After having our lunch,we went hiking. It's a disaster for me,seriously. It was rainning and the jungle floor was so wet. We walked in the rain and all 'four-eye' campers had a very blur sight. Including,my crush and me.
He walked at front and i'm at the back. Fortunately.
Or not, he will see the time when i just A STEP TO DEATH.
Well,here comes the story.
There's a very incline part and we had to do 'soil-ski'//'meluncur tanah'.
I took the wrong step and i fall at the middle of the walkway. I hold the rope with all of the energy i had. At that spot,all people were so nervous, i will fall into the middle of jungle JUST IN ONE-STEP.
Chong or Azmil,dunno which(i'm less concious at that time,what i knew is just i wanna be ALIVE),held me and shouted at me,everyone knew i'm less concious and they wanted me to stay calm. I crawled to the end of that part.
It's really a NIGHTMARE. Amitabha. Thanks Lord Buddha to hold me up and bless me at the very dangerous time.
I continue after that part, i almost collapsed.
I can't talk and recognise people at that time. It's very scary.
When we reached the destination,i'm exhausted. However,azmil and hillary asked me about my stamina,again and again.
*Hillary--''Tan,are u okay?I'm so symphatise towards you. You need water?or you need rest?''
*Azmil -- ''Are you okay?I'm so scared that you will fall just now.Why your face is so pale?Take a deep breath and sit.I scared you will collapse. You want any water?Mine one had finished.(after looking here and there) Diana got water.(He shouted to Diana and get the water for me)''
I'm not suitable in sports and this kindda things.Some even say that i'm miss study-girl or academic-girl.
Anyway,i joinned it this year,the very last year and well, the year of changes.
I joinned it because of the 'assembly's gang' asked me to go with them. At the beginning part,i'm confused whether i should go or not. I got a lot of things to do. After weighing the pros and cons,i go.
The First Day
It surprised me that the camp was not conducted by the teachers but conducted by the army.
The coperal will be our commander.
Well,he is strict,fierce and a 'cold-blood' type of 'ladder' (he pronounced leader as ladder).
We hate him so much that we always imagine the time we punch him.Haha.
He briefed us with all the do and don't.
Oh yeah,i was grouped with my gang and my 'crush'--GH.It's so nice. Haha.
After that, we built our camp.
We slept at the basketball court.But,the guys were so much pity than us,they slept on grass.
Then,it was the cooking time.
Well,it 's my free time too. I can't cook well.
Luckily, i got cliff and he cooked for us.Haha.
It's amazing to see the teacher's car park turned to a 'kitchen' which was crowded by people and unfaded by smoke and shoot.
We cooked the food by using wood.Haha. Primitive.
The smoke wet my eyes.
Shower time.
All of us rushed to the toilet and grabbed the opportunity to clean up ourselves.
Like what Ustad. said. Zero-cooperation.No one will please you at that time.
And gosh,there's no water.
I was halved soaped and halved unsoaped.
Luckily,my friend passed ma another pail of water.
Anyway,the stupid-damn whistle is blown.
Some of the camper not even showered or ate yet.
We were so happy at night as the teachers will conduct the whole activity.
I was so glad-without-helpless when i heard Ustad. asked us bear with the coperal. He knew it without our words. He talked things which can diffuse directly to all of our arteries and veins. He is wise and i like him. =)
Maybe,this is what religious do. Look through our eyes and detect everything from our mind.
After some group activities,we hit our head on sacks on almost 12.oo am.
Oh yeah,in the activity GH showed his handsome style,soo charm.I love it. Haha =D
p.s. The guys slept on the wet grass as it rainned and they were exposed as the bites of mosquitoes. Pity. =p GH told me he can't sleep,haiz.=p
The Second Day
Woke up on 4.25am. Almost everyone was waken by afraidness.Haha.
Then,we gathered at the opan hall after the 'wisel-azimat' is blown. (Actually we named it Disastrous Whistle)
We lined up and had our senamrobik. The poco-poco dance was so fun. (I caught it up,okay?) Well,i think this is the first time i saw GH dancing. It's charming even though he was stucked most of the time. =)
After breakfast,we listened to a talk about leaders.(Should i spell it 'ladder' like what our coperal did?Haha.)
Then,we cooked again.As we had hiking after that,we cooked simple cooking only.
Again, the 'kitchen' was unfaded by smoke and shoot. This is the first time i saw GH with a pair of red eyes. Pity him. Just like me,he never cook at home.Thus,he was just looking here and there and delivering the table salt.Haha. He's smart in study but looked numb in cooking. =p
After having our lunch,we went hiking. It's a disaster for me,seriously. It was rainning and the jungle floor was so wet. We walked in the rain and all 'four-eye' campers had a very blur sight. Including,my crush and me.
He walked at front and i'm at the back. Fortunately.
Or not, he will see the time when i just A STEP TO DEATH.
Well,here comes the story.
There's a very incline part and we had to do 'soil-ski'//'meluncur tanah'.
I took the wrong step and i fall at the middle of the walkway. I hold the rope with all of the energy i had. At that spot,all people were so nervous, i will fall into the middle of jungle JUST IN ONE-STEP.
Chong or Azmil,dunno which(i'm less concious at that time,what i knew is just i wanna be ALIVE),held me and shouted at me,everyone knew i'm less concious and they wanted me to stay calm. I crawled to the end of that part.
It's really a NIGHTMARE. Amitabha. Thanks Lord Buddha to hold me up and bless me at the very dangerous time.
I continue after that part, i almost collapsed.
I can't talk and recognise people at that time. It's very scary.
When we reached the destination,i'm exhausted. However,azmil and hillary asked me about my stamina,again and again.
*Hillary--''Tan,are u okay?I'm so symphatise towards you. You need water?or you need rest?''
*Azmil -- ''Are you okay?I'm so scared that you will fall just now.Why your face is so pale?Take a deep breath and sit.I scared you will collapse. You want any water?Mine one had finished.(after looking here and there) Diana got water.(He shouted to Diana and get the water for me)''
Azmil is my benefactor.Oh,Thank Buddha. I saw his good side when he rescued me.(although he always bully me and kacau me before)
My face is pale at that time.Very pale. (i hope it was pale like the Cullen's family,haha,crazy.)And, i can't talk. Maybe it's because i had not enough of oxygen.
Oh yeah.I found out something at that time.My crush--GH.He looked at me again and again with his charm eyes.I tried to escape from him,i don't wanna stand beside him(despite i had to). But,karma played me. Finally,i had to stand beside him. He looked at me for times and he always took a glance when he knew i saw it. He helped me to pass Diana's bottle. I'm so weird.Maybe because i can't talk, i observed more. And i saw his spectacles were unfaded with water vapour. I gave him my spectacles' cloth. He was blurred at the beginning,as i din talk,after 3 seconds he knew it.He thanked me with the sincere and most charming pairs of eyes. It melts my heart. Oh!
And then,Mr.Donny said i'm too pale so i had no need to walk to school.I went to school by Mr.Donny's car. He is so kind that he went to buy me a 100 plus.He said i should take in some minerals as i'm lack of it.
After reaching school,i still can't talk.I went for bath. Then,i got a bottle of water and took a lot of oxygen under the fan. I saw GH looked here and there. Perhaps looking for me. After resting,i went to the 'kitchen' to see what they did. We cooked a lot as it is the last night. His group is just beside mine.He walked here and there and always came to my place. Asked for things that he might know and he din pray.Oh my! Perhaps he wanna know how am i as i talk less at that time.Somehow,i talked to him,without repulsion. =)
Then,we got culture night.Every group had great performance.All of us enjoyed it very much even though we were tired. After the ocassion,all of us prepare our things and wanna sleep. Suddenly,the Disastrous Whistle is blown loudly. Some of the campers even ran from the camp despite they just fall sick. The coperal asked us to lined up,report things and that's all! Shit.Disturbing people from sleep and dream just for stupid things.
The Third Day
I woke up at 4.30am.When i wanna go and get my toothbrush and other things,the whistle is blown. Oh my! GH was more pity,he was waken by the blown of Disastrous Whistle.We lined up,then,ran for 500m,kawad and sing-along-a-long song.(This is only lucky group not withcoperal,thanks god).Those with coperal,so pity,ran and ran. =p
Then,after report,the new group 'ladder'(hmph!) divded our jobs.Some ate,some bath and some clan up their things. Ustad. talked to me and i think what he said was super right. =)
After the closing ceremony,we went back. Everything's end.
Overall,the camp is nice actually,the coperal did everything for our own good. Now,the camp is finished. But i'm just like still indulge in the memory.I enjoyed myself in the camp.Back to the reality,still a lot of things to do.Trial,Debate,Quiz and a lot.I really don't wanna come back to the reality.Even though it was disaster,but i wanna choose it rather than choosing the reality.In the camp,no stress and no tension,I can see GH everytime(except for the sleeping time).Haha.
p.s. in the camp,i felt the silence. =)Dunno him.
I know i got a lot of things to do now but i still wanna write this post.I must express my feelings.It seems like i've totally change the camp life to my routine.It's a habit to listen to the whistle now.Haha. Just now looked for my whistle but i can't get it. I want to save this memory,permanently.
I love the camp and i indulge in it.Now and whenever i'm tired. It will be my very precious and infinite memory.Jet'aime and Merci to all. =)
Now,have to back into the reality,even though i don't want to.
The road of future life.Lord Buddha bless me.
Amitabha.
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