平凡如逐漸消失 兩點
平衡像沒交叉點 的線
巡遊在夜深街中 擦肩
你我也只差一分 吻在臉
誰人談「再見」再可見面
誰祈求拍照記低笑面
難重逢我至覺得 期待你會出現
人總於今天 想昨天
我眼睛望穿秋水 眼淺
我氣息像煙呼出 呵欠
明明是幸福早於 腳邊
你我卻翻天覆海 去歷遍
誰人談「再見」再可見面
誰祈求拍照記低笑面
難重逢我至覺得 期待你會出現
人總於今天 想昨天
誰人談「再見」再可不面
誰人談「永遠」永不兌現
情長而季節太短 離別直到思念
曾輾轉反側 三百天
從前如盪失終點 兩邊
從頭來用一分鐘 初見
情人在望天 兜轉 擦肩
我轉身應該找到 你視線
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Quick recent post
Just found out that i din blog for a long time already.
Well,why?
maybe it haven't turn to my habit yet.
Basically,many things happened recently.
I feel like wanna run from it.
My emotion immune system asked me to run away and stop it.
This silly immune system may be useful yet let's the fate to decide it.
I'm kinda lost,aimless and sick with it.
well,concentrate on study as ur result is sucks.
Gambateh!
Go Go Go!!!
Well,why?
maybe it haven't turn to my habit yet.
Basically,many things happened recently.
I feel like wanna run from it.
My emotion immune system asked me to run away and stop it.
This silly immune system may be useful yet let's the fate to decide it.
I'm kinda lost,aimless and sick with it.
well,concentrate on study as ur result is sucks.
Gambateh!
Go Go Go!!!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
寂寞寂寞就好
還是原來那個我 不過撂掉幾公升淚所以變瘦
對著鏡子我承諾 遲早我會換這張臉應對笑容
不算什麼 愛錯就愛錯
早點認錯 早一點解脫
我寂寞寂寞就好
這時候誰都別來安慰 擁抱
就讓我一個人去痛到受不了
傷到 快瘋掉 死不了就還好
我寂寞寂寞就好
你真的不用來我回憶裡 微笑
我就不相信我會笨到 忘不了
賴著 不放掉 人本來就寂寞的
借來的都該還掉
我總會把你戒掉
還是原來那個你 是我自己做夢你又改變什麼
再多的愛也沒用 每個人有每個人的業障因果
會有什麼 什麼都沒有 早點看破 才看的見以後
我寂寞寂寞就好
這時候誰都別來安慰 擁抱
就讓我一個人去痛到受不了
傷到 快瘋掉 死不了就還好
我寂寞寂寞就好
你真的不用來我回憶裡 微笑
我就不相信我會笨到 忘不了
賴著 不放掉 人本來就寂寞的
我總會把你戒掉
song:寂寞寂寞就好-Hebe
Lonely is not that pityful.
People come and go,at the end,we are still all alone.
Accepting this fact.
Jodelle,
there is nothing to scare of.
you lost ur reliance,
you seems to lost everything.
Life is hard.
Life is lonely.
That's why you must stay strong and tough.
You lost everything yet you still got urself.
Believe in urself.
Ekam Eveileb! =)
對著鏡子我承諾 遲早我會換這張臉應對笑容
不算什麼 愛錯就愛錯
早點認錯 早一點解脫
我寂寞寂寞就好
這時候誰都別來安慰 擁抱
就讓我一個人去痛到受不了
傷到 快瘋掉 死不了就還好
我寂寞寂寞就好
你真的不用來我回憶裡 微笑
我就不相信我會笨到 忘不了
賴著 不放掉 人本來就寂寞的
借來的都該還掉
我總會把你戒掉
還是原來那個你 是我自己做夢你又改變什麼
再多的愛也沒用 每個人有每個人的業障因果
會有什麼 什麼都沒有 早點看破 才看的見以後
我寂寞寂寞就好
這時候誰都別來安慰 擁抱
就讓我一個人去痛到受不了
傷到 快瘋掉 死不了就還好
我寂寞寂寞就好
你真的不用來我回憶裡 微笑
我就不相信我會笨到 忘不了
賴著 不放掉 人本來就寂寞的
我總會把你戒掉
song:寂寞寂寞就好-Hebe
Lonely is not that pityful.
People come and go,at the end,we are still all alone.
Accepting this fact.
Jodelle,
there is nothing to scare of.
you lost ur reliance,
you seems to lost everything.
Life is hard.
Life is lonely.
That's why you must stay strong and tough.
You lost everything yet you still got urself.
Believe in urself.
Ekam Eveileb! =)
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Fear.
I know it may be the negative elements that turn to obstacle for me to walk further.
I know i am running out of time.
I tried to stop for a while and see what really happening.
I tried to look for the main reason.
I tried many ways to get rid of it.
I tried to cheat to myself that I'm alright.
I tried to convince myself that things gonna be alright.
I tried to enjoy myself during every moment.
I tried to smile.
I tried to put it down.
I tried to counsel myself.
I tried to tell everyone that I'm okay.
I tried to ignore it.
I tried to make things right.
I tried to face the music.
I tried every path that might help a lot.
However,from the bottom of my heart,
I know clearly--
I am in FEAR.
It's almost unbearable.
I tried to look for source of reliance and courage.
I know it's hard,
I dun wanna become an attachment for anyone,
I dun wanna make anyone worry about me.
Seeing people around me that are currently 'bond-pairing' with their loved one.
Looking at personalities around me that are straight forward and easily share their problems.
I'm admire.(or maybe envy)
Actually I know that my family is always there for me,
I know that actually i can spill it out instead of storing in deep in my heart.
I know that there should be somewhere/someone for me to rely on.
I know it.
Yet,i really dun want my family to worry about me,
I don't wanna make people worry,
I rather smile reluctantly than showing the sadness in me,
I have to accept that so far there is no place/no one that really let me to rely on.
I tried my best to convince myself that it's alright.
I tried my best to tell myself that believe in yourself.
I tried my best to be confident.
I tried my best to be BRAVE.
I tried my best to find the COURAGE.
I tried my best to tell myself,with the blessing and strength that Buddha gives me,I can cope with everything.
I tried my best to say--GAMBATEH to myself.
It doesn't help so far.
I am still in FEAR.
Argh!Buddha,please shows me the way again.
Bless me to walk on the right path FEARLESSLY.
Amitabha.
I know i am running out of time.
I tried to stop for a while and see what really happening.
I tried to look for the main reason.
I tried many ways to get rid of it.
I tried to cheat to myself that I'm alright.
I tried to convince myself that things gonna be alright.
I tried to enjoy myself during every moment.
I tried to smile.
I tried to put it down.
I tried to counsel myself.
I tried to tell everyone that I'm okay.
I tried to ignore it.
I tried to make things right.
I tried to face the music.
I tried every path that might help a lot.
However,from the bottom of my heart,
I know clearly--
I am in FEAR.
It's almost unbearable.
I tried to look for source of reliance and courage.
I know it's hard,
I dun wanna become an attachment for anyone,
I dun wanna make anyone worry about me.
Seeing people around me that are currently 'bond-pairing' with their loved one.
Looking at personalities around me that are straight forward and easily share their problems.
I'm admire.(or maybe envy)
Actually I know that my family is always there for me,
I know that actually i can spill it out instead of storing in deep in my heart.
I know that there should be somewhere/someone for me to rely on.
I know it.
Yet,i really dun want my family to worry about me,
I don't wanna make people worry,
I rather smile reluctantly than showing the sadness in me,
I have to accept that so far there is no place/no one that really let me to rely on.
I tried my best to convince myself that it's alright.
I tried my best to tell myself that believe in yourself.
I tried my best to be confident.
I tried my best to be BRAVE.
I tried my best to find the COURAGE.
I tried my best to tell myself,with the blessing and strength that Buddha gives me,I can cope with everything.
I tried my best to say--GAMBATEH to myself.
It doesn't help so far.
I am still in FEAR.
Argh!Buddha,please shows me the way again.
Bless me to walk on the right path FEARLESSLY.
Amitabha.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Invocation to Triple Gems.
O Buddha,
My spiritual master and Refuge,
I seek Your blessings,
Guidance and protection.
The Dhamma,
Holy saints and spiritual teachers,
Bodhisattas,
Dhamma protectors and devas,
I seek Your blessings,
Guidance and protection.
O Blessed one,
Help me to set my heart right,
May my actions and thoughts
reflect your love and wisdom.
Help me overcome my obstacles,
Give me strength to protect the weak.
Let me act with wisdom,love and forgiveness.
May my actions bring hope and comfort,
my speech,harmony and truth,
and my thought,kindness and understanding.
Let me not slacken in my efforts to strive for liberation,
and contribute to the happiness of all beings.
O Buddha,
My spiritual master and refuge,
I thank you for your blessings,
guidance and protection.
The Dhamma,
Holy saints and spiritual teachers,
Bodhisattas,
Dhamma protectors and devas,
I thank you for your blessings,,
guidance and protection.
May the Buddha be at my head,
The Dhamma in my heart,
and the Sangha by my side,
to protect me and guide me always.
Amitabha.
--Quote from 'Buddha Puja' by Datuk Dr.Victor Wee.
It gives me aspiration and makes me feel like i am linked with the triple gems.
My spiritual master and Refuge,
I seek Your blessings,
Guidance and protection.
The Dhamma,
Holy saints and spiritual teachers,
Bodhisattas,
Dhamma protectors and devas,
I seek Your blessings,
Guidance and protection.
O Blessed one,
Help me to set my heart right,
May my actions and thoughts
reflect your love and wisdom.
Help me overcome my obstacles,
Give me strength to protect the weak.
Let me act with wisdom,love and forgiveness.
May my actions bring hope and comfort,
my speech,harmony and truth,
and my thought,kindness and understanding.
Let me not slacken in my efforts to strive for liberation,
and contribute to the happiness of all beings.
O Buddha,
My spiritual master and refuge,
I thank you for your blessings,
guidance and protection.
The Dhamma,
Holy saints and spiritual teachers,
Bodhisattas,
Dhamma protectors and devas,
I thank you for your blessings,,
guidance and protection.
May the Buddha be at my head,
The Dhamma in my heart,
and the Sangha by my side,
to protect me and guide me always.
Amitabha.
--Quote from 'Buddha Puja' by Datuk Dr.Victor Wee.
It gives me aspiration and makes me feel like i am linked with the triple gems.
Friday, August 6, 2010
我终于觉得又活过来了
在这里的日子久了，觉得应该习惯了，问题却也越来越多了。
努力地背后，有愧疚，有不满，更有脆弱。
之前，一直想尽办法让自己更努力，想尽办法，让自己更有效率，效果没有达到预期的梦想，反而感到无比空虚。
忘了上一次失眠是几时，只知道昨晚彻夜未眠，不是因为我不累，不是因为我不想睡，而是因为悬着的心找不了停泊的岸边，无法安定下来。整夜，想了很多，真的很多-过去、现在、未来。这一夜是怎么开始的？回想起来，这一夜没有开始、也没有结束。这一夜，我的双眼无神，望着衣橱，放空了。眼泪也不知不觉的、不听使唤的在杂想之中流了下来。这样的情绪波动，感觉上，已经很陌生了，感觉上，应该离我很远了。突如其来的出现，真的让我觉得，这一切，或许是因为我逃了太久了。
之前，我总天真的认为，国民服务让我学了很多，我总是高估了自己的情商，以自己的乐观思维为荣，认为什么都不介意了。这几天才发觉，这种错误的想法根本就是在自欺欺人，每天都跟朋友们开心的哈拉、说说笑笑，认为这就是自己，全新的自己。
这几天，才发觉，不知道从几何时，我又在选择逃避、选择遗忘、选择假装放下，不知从几何时，把自己掩饰成乐观的女孩，掩饰地连自己都蒙在鼓里了。
身心越来越疲倦，生活越来越没有动力，越来越不敢去相信自己骗了自己，越来越不敢去面对堆积如山的问题。这种感觉，因为时间、因为空间，变得越来越难以承受、变得越来越沉重。越不想面对，却也越来越逼人、逼得我喘不过气。
整个晚上，关在房间里，对着天花板，突然觉得很窒息，让人不能呼吸，尝试走出房间，躲在厕所哭泣，以为哭过了就痊愈了。回到房里，再次躺在床上，眼泪又不知不觉的流了下来。这个夜晚，真的很难熬，好想比自己尽快入眠、不再胡思乱想，好想快点天亮，一觉醒来后，什么事都忘了。
这一夜，我试着将自己的专注了专心于想佛菩萨祈求，希望佛菩萨可以指引、可以给我坚持下去的力量。
今天早上起来，庆幸彻夜未眠的夜晚终于过去了。令人恐惧的黑暗终于终结了。
然而，我并没有感觉轻松，反而，感觉更加疲倦。
人前尽量强颜欢笑，尽量用自己最亲切及活跃的声音称呼身边的人，向大家问安。以为只要到了人多的地方，问题就会一如往常、乖乖的躲回心里我遗忘的、封锁的角落。
以往，看到班上的死党，总会情不自禁的讲了又讲，发挥辩论员的特质，善用说话辩驳的技巧；今天，看着死党，只有无奈的感觉，不想说话，就连是对着谈心事的好朋友，也只有无奈的沉默。
我不是不要把问题说出来，更不是想着一个人能解决这一切，只是我不知从何说起，怎么让别人相信，更不知要如何向别人解释。
幸好今天的课不多，浑浑噩噩中，总算过了3个小时的课。空节的时候，为了不要让自己再次沉浸在思绪的漩涡中，还刻意跟同学一起吃早餐。然而，却无济于事。对着那一班那么可爱、爱讲话的同学，我竟然不懂要说些什么。当别人兴高采烈的在谈论话题时，我竟然不懂要给什么反应。
意外的觉得自己已经不再属于自己，意外的发觉自己已不再懂得怎么去控制自己，行尸走肉般的，除了毫不间断的呼吸，我实在想不到我身上到底还有什么活着的迹象。
下课回家，真的毫无方向的不懂要做什么，对着桌子上越堆越高的书本，却不知道要怎么让自己有系统的完成这一切。走到阳台，看着对面空荡荡的店屋，看着别人准备回家，眼泪又不知不觉的流了下来。情绪的波动连我自己都控制不了。
我不敢回头，不想让我的同房朋友担心.
因为我真的不知道应该怎么向他们解释，真的不知道要怎么让他们相信我的泪是真心的，不懂如何描述心伤的怎么样了，更不想让他们认为我是在装脆弱、博取同情。
感谢佛菩萨，感谢因缘和合，让我因为几封信息里不同的观点点醒、让我再次调整自己，学着去面对，放过自己，放手让自己成长。
真的很感激佛菩萨，也感谢开导我的那个人，让我有了方向，退一步思考。感谢佛菩萨，我终于觉得我又活过来了。
刚刚跟7个朋友出外走走，一路上虽然心里还是悬着的，但是，在谈笑风生中，我渐渐感觉，我的神魄回来了，我终于活过来了。回家后收拾东西，做做家务，希望自己不再‘死亡’，努力地‘活’下去。
感谢佛菩萨让我找到了心里应该摆放的位置，让我意识到心里连自己都遗忘的角落。我找到了放松的方法-相信佛教、虔诚祈求。
今晚还会失眠吗？
希望这次不再是自欺欺人，而是真的‘活’过来了。
阿弥陀佛。
努力地背后，有愧疚，有不满，更有脆弱。
之前，一直想尽办法让自己更努力，想尽办法，让自己更有效率，效果没有达到预期的梦想，反而感到无比空虚。
忘了上一次失眠是几时，只知道昨晚彻夜未眠，不是因为我不累，不是因为我不想睡，而是因为悬着的心找不了停泊的岸边，无法安定下来。整夜，想了很多，真的很多-过去、现在、未来。这一夜是怎么开始的？回想起来，这一夜没有开始、也没有结束。这一夜，我的双眼无神，望着衣橱，放空了。眼泪也不知不觉的、不听使唤的在杂想之中流了下来。这样的情绪波动，感觉上，已经很陌生了，感觉上，应该离我很远了。突如其来的出现，真的让我觉得，这一切，或许是因为我逃了太久了。
之前，我总天真的认为，国民服务让我学了很多，我总是高估了自己的情商，以自己的乐观思维为荣，认为什么都不介意了。这几天才发觉，这种错误的想法根本就是在自欺欺人，每天都跟朋友们开心的哈拉、说说笑笑，认为这就是自己，全新的自己。
这几天，才发觉，不知道从几何时，我又在选择逃避、选择遗忘、选择假装放下，不知从几何时，把自己掩饰成乐观的女孩，掩饰地连自己都蒙在鼓里了。
身心越来越疲倦，生活越来越没有动力，越来越不敢去相信自己骗了自己，越来越不敢去面对堆积如山的问题。这种感觉，因为时间、因为空间，变得越来越难以承受、变得越来越沉重。越不想面对，却也越来越逼人、逼得我喘不过气。
整个晚上，关在房间里，对着天花板，突然觉得很窒息，让人不能呼吸，尝试走出房间，躲在厕所哭泣，以为哭过了就痊愈了。回到房里，再次躺在床上，眼泪又不知不觉的流了下来。这个夜晚，真的很难熬，好想比自己尽快入眠、不再胡思乱想，好想快点天亮，一觉醒来后，什么事都忘了。
这一夜，我试着将自己的专注了专心于想佛菩萨祈求，希望佛菩萨可以指引、可以给我坚持下去的力量。
今天早上起来，庆幸彻夜未眠的夜晚终于过去了。令人恐惧的黑暗终于终结了。
然而，我并没有感觉轻松，反而，感觉更加疲倦。
人前尽量强颜欢笑，尽量用自己最亲切及活跃的声音称呼身边的人，向大家问安。以为只要到了人多的地方，问题就会一如往常、乖乖的躲回心里我遗忘的、封锁的角落。
以往，看到班上的死党，总会情不自禁的讲了又讲，发挥辩论员的特质，善用说话辩驳的技巧；今天，看着死党，只有无奈的感觉，不想说话，就连是对着谈心事的好朋友，也只有无奈的沉默。
我不是不要把问题说出来，更不是想着一个人能解决这一切，只是我不知从何说起，怎么让别人相信，更不知要如何向别人解释。
幸好今天的课不多，浑浑噩噩中，总算过了3个小时的课。空节的时候，为了不要让自己再次沉浸在思绪的漩涡中，还刻意跟同学一起吃早餐。然而，却无济于事。对着那一班那么可爱、爱讲话的同学，我竟然不懂要说些什么。当别人兴高采烈的在谈论话题时，我竟然不懂要给什么反应。
意外的觉得自己已经不再属于自己，意外的发觉自己已不再懂得怎么去控制自己，行尸走肉般的，除了毫不间断的呼吸，我实在想不到我身上到底还有什么活着的迹象。
下课回家，真的毫无方向的不懂要做什么，对着桌子上越堆越高的书本，却不知道要怎么让自己有系统的完成这一切。走到阳台，看着对面空荡荡的店屋，看着别人准备回家，眼泪又不知不觉的流了下来。情绪的波动连我自己都控制不了。
我不敢回头，不想让我的同房朋友担心.
因为我真的不知道应该怎么向他们解释，真的不知道要怎么让他们相信我的泪是真心的，不懂如何描述心伤的怎么样了，更不想让他们认为我是在装脆弱、博取同情。
感谢佛菩萨，感谢因缘和合，让我因为几封信息里不同的观点点醒、让我再次调整自己，学着去面对，放过自己，放手让自己成长。
真的很感激佛菩萨，也感谢开导我的那个人，让我有了方向，退一步思考。感谢佛菩萨，我终于觉得我又活过来了。
刚刚跟7个朋友出外走走，一路上虽然心里还是悬着的，但是，在谈笑风生中，我渐渐感觉，我的神魄回来了，我终于活过来了。回家后收拾东西，做做家务，希望自己不再‘死亡’，努力地‘活’下去。
感谢佛菩萨让我找到了心里应该摆放的位置，让我意识到心里连自己都遗忘的角落。我找到了放松的方法-相信佛教、虔诚祈求。
今晚还会失眠吗？
希望这次不再是自欺欺人，而是真的‘活’过来了。
阿弥陀佛。
Monday, July 26, 2010
Remorse.
It’s a long time that I did not feel such a remorse.
I’m remorse on almost everything that I am doing.
I aware about the consequences.
Maybe I’m facing the music now,however,the feeling keeps on catching me and made me feeling scared to it.
Lord Buddha,here I face the problem after so many months of being so positive.
I felt like I'm involving in such a crime.Oh Buddha!
I can't bare the regret,it's almost like i'm trying to kill myself to stay calm.
It seems like i dunno how to apologise to myself.
I do not even know how to forgive myself.
I am really grateful to Buddha that His teaching and words of wisdom shows me the way,it made me aware.
However,I'm just can't accept how bad am I in this case.
I'm really sorry,
sorry to myself,to my parents,to my family members,to people that always support me and give me the strength to be here.
I feel like I'm betraying them.There is a non-stop feeling that made me can't really
face myself.
Buddha,I know that I'm now moving towards another way,the way to lock myself rather than gaining happiness.
I know that it is not the way u show it to me.
Yet,i can't even face either the problem or me myself.
I treat it so big that I can't really accept I did it.
It does not obey my self-principle.This is not the life that i dream to be or i want to be.
I know the cause of suffering but frankly i have no guts to face it,not even finding the way to end it.
I really pray that it will come to an end.It really spoil my mood and slow down my progress.
Thinking about the life that i planned before I'm here,
Thinking about my parents that always support me in anyway that i wanna be,
Thinking about the words of wisdom and advice that given by my dear relatives,teachers and friends,
Thinking about what i promised to everyone,
Thinking about my prayers and promises to Buddha,
I'm regret.
I know I'm not following exactly the path that i planned and i should go.
I AM FED UP.
Buddha,please,give me the strength to accept all this.
Guide me to be brave to face the music.
Guide me to be brave to accept and change myself.
I know what I want.
I know what I did.
Although i'm nt sure how should i make things correct,yet,I know i MUST do so.
Buddha,Please forgive me of being that bad.
Dad and mum,please understand how remorse am i and forgive me.
Jodelle,please be brave to accept everything.
Please follow the guidance of buddha.
Please be brave to admit ur fault.
PLEASE.
Now i know,
FORGIVE YOURSELF IS ALWAYS HARDER THAN FORGIVING OTHER.
Buddha,I believe U are the spirit for me.
I believe Buddhism is what I can rely on.
Please give me the strength and forgive me.
AMITABHA.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)